Tuesday, February 28, 2012

My Little Secret: The Doctors' Wives

I've cracked the code. I can walk into any surgery banquet dinner and tell you if Doctor X's wife is wife #1, #2, #3, or a mistress. I don't need to meet them, nor talk to them. Just give me one good glance at them and I can give you the 411.

I've done so well guarding this secret technique that Doc H doesn't even know (well, he will now once he gets around to reading this blog - maybe by Christmas).

Now, please understand, this is not a scientific experiment, but, rather, a crude generalization. This is just from my own observations. Just like a police officer who can spot a druggie a mile away and identify their drug of choice, I think I can tell if a doctor's wife is #1, 2, or 3.

Here it goes...

Wife #1 (now, I'm talking the older ones, the ones who have been around for decades) will be talking easily amongst the crowd. She mingles independent of her husband. She has her group of friends and really doesn't  care to meet "new" people (read: new wives or girlfriends 'cause you never know how long they'll be around for). Take a quick look at her left hand. She'll have a small (usually under one carat), but very sentimental wedding/engagement ring. Her doctor husband scraped together every penny he had to buy it when he was a poor med student or resident.  He doesn't have time to actually take in her original ring and upgrade it. The bigger bling will be on her right hand.

Wife #2 will be wearing a fabulous rock. It will size somewhere between one and two carats.  Her doctor husband's poor days were over when they met, but alimony and child support are killing him. She will spend an equal amount of time standing next to her husband listening to the blood and guts talk, but will stray away every now and then to talk with other wives. She will have her group of friends, but it won't be the first wives club. (One exception only- if the first wives club didn't like wife #1. Then wife #2 might have a chance). No, her friends are other new women (new #1 wives, other #2 wives, or SOs) to the group; the younger set.

Wife #3 will be wearing a diamond so large, you could use it to bring home the space shuttle. It had to be a bigger and better ring than that of wives 1 and 2. Doctor husband can afford it now. While he is paying alimony to wife #2, he is done paying child support and college tuition. He can afford to spring for Wife #3's beacon. Wife #3 doesn't ever leave her husband's side. She remembers what happened to wife #1 and wife #2.

And the mistress? No ring, but she's got one HELL of a tennis bracelet and/or diamond necklace. She's very quiet, doesn't speak to anyone except her SugarDaddy (oops, I meant her boyfriend). She smiles at everyone and avoids direct eye contact. Underneath her three pairs of Spanx, you know she's miserable and bored to tears. They are the first couple to leave the banquet. She feels out of place.

Wow! My secret is out. I may just sit on this post for a few days to see if I'm really ready to let this one out.


6 comments:

  1. Very interesting commentary, and while I am not officially mingling in the Doctors Wives Dinner going party set just yet (we are still lowly residents) - I can spot truth when I read it. Excellent Observation!

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    Replies
    1. Oh, you'll see. Many are nice and some are just stand-offish and clicky.

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  2. Oh man, as an SO of a resident, this frightens me! I don't want to end up as a bitter ex-wife #1, a wife #2, a wife #3, and certainly not a mistress. Do you have another category for scared SO's?

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    1. Don't be scared! You'll find your group. If I had to guess, I'd say you'll end up with the young wives with no kids. I actually enjoy the trips (but then again, I enjoy spending time by myself.)

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  3. Makes a lot of sense. Some of the first wives, bless them, have actually been there since the pre-med days.

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    Replies
    1. You're right and they've seen other women come and go...

      Delete

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