Monday, March 5, 2012

Don't Forget Your Panties

Yes. I do mean panties. When going to see a doctor, please wear them. Not thongs, not g-string. I'm talking briefs. Better yet..break out the granny panties.

Yes, doctors are professionals and they behave in a professional manner, but don't think for a second they won't come home and grimace while telling us wives about some ill fitting or questionable panty judgement. Only do it if you want to give us a chuckle.

I don't care if you're some uber-skinny super model (even they have cellulite until they get airbrushed), nothing looks hot under a hospital gown. In fact, I'm pretty sure when you put on a gown it immediately turns you skins a funky color of green. I know. I've been there and think of the ramifications for me!

Here's what went down.

To make a very long story short, I had some non-elective surgery. It left me battling a pain syndrome in my jaw of all places. I was referred to a neurologist at Doc H's hospital. I followed the MA into the exam room and was perplexed when she handed me a hospital gown and asked me to undress leaving on my undergarment. The pain was in my jaw; not my back, not my leg.

So I began to undress. As I removed my slacks, I realized my mistake (a mistake that would come back to haunt me for years and still does!). I forgot to wear my most modest, granny panties.

Now, you must know this about me- I gave up wearing any kind of bikini briefs as soon as my butt bubbled thanks to the phenomenon known as the freshman 10. I'd walk to campus and by the time I got to Chem, I had a wad of material stuffed up my cheeks. Brassieres are uncomfortable enough, why suffer any more than necessary? PLUS, I just hate panty lines. It's one of my pet peeves.

There I was in my g-string and hospital gown waiting for the neurologist. I figured, no harm, no foul - the pain is in my jaw, right? Didn't stress out too much about it.

Dr. 'I Have a HUGE Forehead Cuz My Brain's So Big' (aka Dr. Forehead) walks into the exam room and greets me. He questions. I answer. Even though I know it's noted my medical record, I mention something about Doc H since he seems to be the giant pink elephant sitting in the middle of the exam room. HIPAA. Dr. Forehead is receptive and makes a little small talk.

This are going well. We are almost done.  Yippee. Home free!

Then it happened. "Mrs. Doc H, I would like to take a look at your spine. Please turn around and bend over to touch your toes." GASP! and DOUBLE FML!

I've got news for you. There is no way under the sun you can bend over, touch your toes and hold the back of your hospital gown closed. So, Dr. Forehead was (basically) mooned by Your Doctor's Wife.

I run into Dr. Forehead (and sometimes his wife) at conferences and hospital banquet dinners. Every time I shake their hands, I always wonder if they're both thinking of my g-string like I am.

UGH.



52 comments:

  1. That is awful! Maybe I will start keeping an extra pair in my purse just in case. I am so sorry, but it does make for a great post:-)

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    1. Yes, please do. Learn from my mistakes. I still suffer every time I think of it. But, I'm very good at laughing at myself.

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  2. OMG...it really doesn't get more embarassing than that...yes, I think that calls for an extra pair in your purse...I wouldn't have thought it either...laughing...so...hard...at..you...sorry, but I kind of am. Thanks for making Monday seem not so bad :)

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    1. Always happy to make others laugh! Even at my own expense! :)
      Welcome to and thanks for reading my blog!

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  3. Oh my goodness...too funny! I shudder to think of it! I also love, love, LOVED your last post about the juicy boobs! YOU are HILARIOUS and I am so happy to be following you!

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    1. Thank you so much!! Comments always make me so happy! Glad to have you here!

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  4. I've learned the hard way too! So embarrassing! Love your blog :)

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    1. It's an awful embarrassing, isn't it?
      Welcome! Thanks for reading and following!

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  5. omg. I feel your embarrassment. Next time you see him out give him a wink, I'm sure he liked the view anyway.

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  6. Hahaha!! Oh, noooo!!! Oh, man. Glad you learned the lesson so you could pass it on to us. I will remember your story! (Thanks for linking up with us at "Finding the Funny"!)

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    1. Yes, don't forget the granny panties.

      Glad to have found you all!

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  7. O....M....G! That would be humiliating LOL. I will keep this story in mind for future visits. I'm sure you thought it was more of an issue than he actually did though :) But still LOL...sorry, I had to laugh ;)

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    1. It was just one of those moments in life you'll never forget, but wish you could. ;)

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  8. Hee hee hee! I also advise that if you've never had a mammogram, be sure that whatever you're wearing on the bottom looks decent if you're not wearing a top. I was SHOCKED to find out that I only had to take off my top and bra, leaving on my bottoms. So sad when I realized that I was wearing a dress with leggings that were not so sexy and boots. I felt absurd as she told me to take my arm out of the sleeve of the gown and there is stood in my fashionable boots and silly leggings.

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  9. This is hilarious. I had the same situation happen when I went to a neurologist who was about 95 years old. I had no idea I would be undressing and no clue I would need to bend over!! AHHH. Gave my husband a nice view as he was watching on but embarrassed me. I wear underwear to my appointments now :)

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  10. OMG OMG OMG cringing criiiiiiiinging for you mooning Dr. Brainiac.
    OMG OMG! Were you wearing a Brazilian thong or something? I haven't worn one of those in decades! You should be proud! And you know what? I bet you made his day!
    PS Thank you for linking up with us. I loved this post.

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    1. Basically, it was dental floss. NEVER AGAIN!!! :/
      Thanks for hosting!

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  11. I'm laughing and grimacing at the same time. Hey, we've all been there. In inadvertently, of course. ;)

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  12. OMG!!! So funny and mortifying at the same time!

    Thanks for linking up with Ado and I for Blog Bash!

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  13. OMG!!! I am never, NEVER!!! wearing a thong to the dr's office again.
    Mortifying.

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  14. I can't stop thinking of trying to bend over and touch my toes modestly in that situation! Not possible!!

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  15. OMG, too funny - probably wasn't for you at the time though;) I hope you can laugh about it now, thanks for sharing.

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  16. That's hysterical! Knowing my luck, I'd have farted on him too. :(

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  17. Hahahahahhahaha...what a great story. I'm sorry that happened to you! I'll definitely remember this next time I go to the doctor, though...

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  18. Laughing so hard! I actually DO keep undies in my bag because ...ummm...I don't usually wear any :P And you never know when you might NEED some coverage! hahahahahahha! You know he told his wife, right? Definitely!

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  19. I cannot imagine anything more humiliating...and to ahve to see them at social gatherings...icing on the cake of embarassment!

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  20. i can't stop laughing - because this is totally something i would do. i hope every time you see them you give them a huge grin and think how lucky they are to have seen such a great part of you! :)

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  21. Oh my goodness.. This is too funny! I have to remember this the next time I go in,lol. Thakns for making me laugh. Yes, come join me on the hop- always funny posts and what better to enjoy life, than laugh! Hope you have a fantastic weekend. PS_ I followed you via GFC:)

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  22. Now, I don't know whether to laugh or feel sorry for you. I think I want to do both :). Thanks for the tip, seriously! I remember my mom telling me something like that a long time ago... that I should always wear nice panties, as you'll never know when an emergency comes up, and a doctor has to examine you.

    I hate panty lines too, by the way :)

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  23. This is HILARIOUS!!! I'm adding this to my mental memory bank right now!

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  24. Brilliant - I was feeling your shame as I read it! Will note an addendum to my mothers advice about knickers being clean - they must now me large and clean!

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  25. I love this post lol. It's funny the things you don't really think about until you hear it from someone else!
    New follower from CCB
    http://www.greatfamilyadventures.com

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  26. This post is hilarious! I am your newest follower, found you through the Blog Working Wednesday Hop! Can't wait to read more :)

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  27. Hehe. I am a new follower via the linkup! Look forward to reading more of your entertaining posts!!! :) Take pride in that g-string, girl!

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  28. Found you through the blog hop and this is awesomely hilarious!!!

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  29. Hahahahaha...GREAT story, thanks for the laughs! Stopping by from the hop and am now your newest follower:) Hope you can come check out Crazy Mama Drama !
    http://crazy-mama-drama.blogspot.com/
    http://www.facebook.com/pages/Crazy-Mama-Drama/259491484156846

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  30. So funny! I couldn't stop laughing. And then I realized: That was why our grannies told us to wear respectable underwear in case we have an accident and need to go to hospital! It all makes sense now - even though the grannies probably weren't thinking of mooning your doctor ;-)

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  31. Oh this great...laughing so hard. Thankfully I only wear granny type panties,.but always wonder if the doctor laughs at me
    happy SITS day

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  32. Classic! And a policy I have always adhered to!

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  33. That is hilarious!!! I am sorry, I'm sure you were mortified! But it sure makes a great story after the fact!!! Happy SITS day!

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  34. Funny! All my new panties are sexy briefs now. I just have 2 thongs left and when they go, that's it. BTW, I"m sure the doctor as seen worst things.

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  35. This is quite fabulous, but I wouldn't expect anything less. Thank you for linking up and sharing this great post. I feel like this is not just funny, but a public service announcement as well. Rock on in 2013! Erin

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  36. Oh my gosh, that is so funny. But at the same time since I keep picturing my own rear view if I were in that ahem position it's kind of horrifying.

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  37. That would be bad enough even if you never saw him again. Add the social aspect...cringe!

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  38. I saw this post under your most popular ones and clicked over....it's my first time reading it and I'm dying. So so funny.

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  39. I can not believe your H has not told you to stop wearing the g strings I tell women all the time the consent back and fourth transfers a deadly germ called ecoli.Men do not like them any way.
    And as for pantie lines men like them you all are women not men it is not rocket science either wear bikini briefs are go with out it is safe either way and you will have a lot less infections. He is probably a lot more stunned about your Dr. H not telling you this

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