Friday, May 18, 2012

Asking Your Doctor's Wife for a Physician Recommendation

It happens all too often; I am asked for a physician recommendation. People learn you have a Doc Hubby and before you know it, they think you're as knowledgeable as a Stedman's Medical Dictionary and a Who's Who in Medicine.

Source
I received this message via Facebook messenger today:

Hi Emma how are you? Hope all is well. I'm sitting here with my friend talking about her moms [sic] heart condition and how they want to get a second opinion at ________. Isn't Doc H at ________? Is he a cardiologist? Can they request he review her chart? It's my friend's mom.

I haven't heard a peep from this friend in over a year. Last time we lunched, I extended the invitation. She never reciprocated. Now she wants medical advice/help so she's popped back in my life via FB messenger. At this point, I'm thinking a phone call would have gone over better.

I immediately reply stating Doc H is not the doctor they're looking for. Unfortunately, I don't know of any doctors at that hospital. I tell her sorry I can't be of any help in this matter, and I send my best wishes to her, her friend, and her friend's mother.

Here's my gripe with this request... She takes it a step further by replying, "Do you think your hubby can recommend anyone at that hospital?" Here's where I roll my eyes and the words "are you sh*^ting me" scroll through my brain.

She was a great friend in high school... decades ago. I absolutely adored her and her family. If she were asking for herself or a family member, I would spend the time to research a doctor for her. I would want to help her. I'd be happy to help her. But she's asking for someone twice removed.  

If I knew of someone off the top of my head...no problem. I'm happy to share the information and help out.   However, in this instance I do not and here's what she's asking me to do. She's asking me to spend 30 minutes of my time with my husband after he gets home from the hospital researching the right doctor for that particular case. I wouldn't want to just pull a name out of a hat. It's a recommendation that both Doc H and I will be linked to. I wouldn't send a friend to just anyone; it has to be a doc I would refer  my family to. We'd most likely have to sit at the computer to pull up the hospital website and review the department docs and their bios. If we are lucky, Doc H might know one or know of someone's reputation (good or bad) to help in our search.

I realize 30 minutes does not sound like a long time. In normal time, it's not. However, when your husband comes home to find you half asleep in bed, you're tired, he's exhausted, and you have many other family matters to discuss, it bears on you. We have such little time together as it is. If I'm lucky we might share 15 to 20 minutes talking in the morning before he leaves for the hospital. Most likely he'll be gone before the rest of the household wakes up.

Perhaps, it's also just bad timing. As it stands now, Doc H is 3 hours behind his self-proclaimed ETA. We had an errand to run together. I'm guessing I'll be taking care of it on my own tomorrow.

Besides...I am fiercely hangry. That's hungry+angry in case you were wondering.



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9 comments:

  1. Hmm.. thats clearly not a good friend! Although Ive asked my mom to do this for me. Ha! I needed a primary doc and could not find one.. so I asked my momma to asked her friend if her hubby would see me. (When I called on my own they told me no). I got in and have only been to see him twice.. Im not a needy patient :)

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  2. I think it's awesome that you aren't afraid to say "no" and not let people take advantage of you or your husband. I totally agree that if it were a friend it is one thing.. but calling in a favor for a friend of a friend is a different matter.

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  3. Happens all the time! Usually at least in my husbands field, but we also get asked for recommendations for pediatricians, OBGYN, and family. I usually just refer them to the doctors we use. I would be bothered by that friends request too!

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  4. New follower from the Fun Friday hop! Interesting topic, I'll be back to read more. My blogs: http://hearttoheartathome.blogspot.com/
    http://createabeautifullife.com/

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  5. I hate that. I don't find that it happens too often - maybe people assume that as a resident/fellow you can't possibly know anyone else in the hospital?

    I find more often that I am randomly contacted by people I haven't spoken to for years for free veterinary advice. I've answered long-ass emails from my husbands co-doctors about things from flea control to traveling with a geriatric dog without so much as a thank you. At this point I want to be one of those people who is able to tell these other people to pay for a freaking exam and go see their veterinarian.

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  6. I guess when your husband is in a certain field this is what happens. Personally I have a hard time just asking for my self let alone someone else, and I am the type of person who loves helping others.

    Following from Fun Friday Blog Hop

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  7. It takes so little to nurture a friendship, but sadly, some just won't bother.

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  8. Hi! I am making my first visit to your blog and am now following you. :o)

    I am hopping over from the Fun Friday Blog Hop. Thanks for co-hosting it this week. I look forward to exploring your posts.

    Have a wonderful weekend!
    K @ librarystorytimeabcs.blogspot.com

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  9. There is the most comprehensive knowledge i found here. The physician assistant surgery is doing a great job. it fulfill their duties or responsibilities. Very nice!

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