Wednesday, May 16, 2012

The Mother's Day Backlash - For My Med School Wives

I received some backlash from my mother's day post and I want to clarify why I decided to write said post.  Normally, I wouldn't feel any sort of clarification is necessary for anything posted on this blog, but this is a little different. I specifically wrote of my mother's day gift for all those med school and residents' spouses and SOs whom I hear from all the time. I am asked for advice and asked to share and showcase the light at the end of the tunnel.

Source
These ladies (and men) are living on shoestring budgets. They live under immense, dark clouds of debt. In many parts of the country, their total debt amount could purchase two or three homes. Such debt is scary. Such debt is just crazy!  Sometimes they just need a little reminder of what life could be once they make it through training. Sue me for dangling a carrot in hopes they would enjoy a glimpse of what future mother's days could be like.  I'm willing to bet many of them spent the day without their husbands and alone with just their children... just like every other day.

These ladies live a fragmented family life. Most of them have moved (several times) and find themselves living long distances from any family and their own mothers. They are on their own. Resident fathers are not coaching soccer or even able to attend holiday celebrations. Medical school mamas aren't home to see their toddlers very first step. They live all the same family dramas as you and me, yet med school students and residents must remain focused on their study of medicine. Family comes second.

Someday, these students will be there for you when you need critical medical care. It doesn't matter what time of the night, whether or not it is during their kid's parent-teacher conference, their kid's championship game, or during their Christmas dinner. YOU, the patient, will hold their full attention, and it will be their wives and husbands alone at home who will be left to create a harmonious family life.

Would you want your surgeon stressing and focusing on a nagging wife as he slices into your aorta? Your mother's skull? Your father's carotid? Your spouse's kidney? Your child's anything?

I didn't think so.

So, I threw the medical mothers a tiny lifesaver as they try to stay afloat in rough waters. I feel they deserve any little, happy glimpse of their future life when the budget is lifted and their Doc H's have a little more time (and money) to recognize their work and sacrifices for their family and children.

I can't b*tch, moan, and groan all the time about Doc H's job. After all, it is a good life!

14 comments:

  1. I don't know what the backlash was you received but whenever anyone gets grief over their blog, I just want to remind them: ITS YOUR BLOG. You can write about whatever you want. And you're right in that the light at the end of the tunnel seems so far away and this is a good reminder that, at least financially, the hard work does pay off. So what if he bought you something in a little blue box?! I would blog about that too whether my husband/SO was a doctor or not! You enjoy your gift and Happy Mother's Day.

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    1. I received a few comments which put me in the "show off" and "snobby" category. That was not my intention at all.
      I only post positive comments. There's enough negativity in the world. It doesn't need to be perpetuated here.
      Thank you for your support! :0)

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  2. You have to be a little crazy {and brave} to agree to take on that kind of debt so that your husband can follow his dream. Thank you for this post, and the reminder that maybe someday I will be given little blue boxes as a small repayment for all the days I wanted Starbucks but didn't buy it, wanted to buy new shoes but knew better, and lived thousands of miles away from my family.

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    1. Brave is right!!! Holy cow, it's a boat load of money. So many sacrifices are made...

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  3. I agree 100% with your post! I was fortunate to get breakfast that morning with my hubby, but right at 11am, it was over and I didn't see him till 10pm.. Good thing I'm not a Mama yet, or I would have been depressed. I (like many) moved away, so it was my first Mother's day without my Mom. It was so weird to not be with that person you always are with. Lucky me, I get to see her in two days and celebrate then !
    Joel and I were just talking the other day about how we will be financially cinfined for at least 10 more years and how when he finally starts making money, we are going to take the most elaborae ridiculous vacation of our lives, haha!

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    1. Take the vacation! I hope you read me post "Whoever Said Money Can't Buy Happiness Lied". HA!

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  4. I can't even believe that you had to write this. I don't know if it was because people think that doctors are so GREEDY and AWFUL human beings, thus, they should not be buying things from Tiffany's? I have no idea, but let's just say that when I was engaged to a certain banker, he had been making six figures since he was about 23 years old. I, on the other hand, will graduate with over $300K in debt and will not even be done with training until my THIRTIES. So...if we want to be mad at someone for being pompous and rich, doctors are the wrong people.

    Also, you and Doc H worked really hard for what you have. You're entitled to buy nice things!

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    1. I did think that. I had to wonder if my husband was a plumber or a salesman would people still think the post as showing off or snobby? Or is it just a reflection on how they perceive doctor's wives and how perfect they think our lives are?
      It's okay, it really doesn't bother me, but I really want clear misconceptions with regards to our medical lives and it seemed like a great opportunity to make a statement! ;)

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  5. I agree you did not deserve any backlash. Some of us are older than others, have done the struggle and emerged out the other end. Usually that does not happen until sometime between 40-50!. You deserve to have nice things, enjoy it and please don't feel the need to explain yourself!

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    1. I agree with you, too, Stacie! And you're right about the ages...that's exactly where we are!

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  6. You caught shit for that post? I want to say I'm surprised but in a way I'm not. Every bit of the sacrifice you just wrote about it is 100% true. It seems though that such a level of whole family sacrifice for one persons career is too unknown and abstract for most people. Thank you for letting those of us living it that there is some kind of reward for embracing this lifestyle.

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    1. I think some people just hear "doctor's wife" and their imagination just runs wild painting some idyllic portrait of our live in their minds.
      I like posting about the good stuff for you all... a reminder of what's down the hallway, through the tunnel, around the corner, and up the hill. {sigh}

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  7. More carrots please:-) I love your blog! I check in to remind myself to keep going, it will be alright, we will make it, this won't last forever..... you serve a valuable purpose in the blog community. Sorry you caught grief for your post that brought me hope.

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  8. Life as a medical spouse is anything but idyllic. I took a CAB HOME 24 hours after delivering our fifth child. 'Nuff said. I'm a first time reader but will be checking in frequently!

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