Monday, May 21, 2012

Your Doctor's Wife: Saddled With the Pager

This morning began routinely: wake up, get dressed, coffee, a few daily scheduling remarks and reminders shared with Doc H, school drop-offs, return home to the dog. All normal. Nothing new. Then the phone rang... It was Doc H asking me to search his robe pockets for his pager. I did and I found it. My husband saddled me with the pager for the day.

This has happened before. It doesn't happened frequently, but when it does, it runs my day. I become obsessed and unnerved by the little, archaic technological relic. I don't think drug dealers even use beepers anymore, right? Yet, here I am; saddled and strapped to the beast all day long. When the beast screams for Doc H, it's my call to action. I must immediately text Doc H with the call back number.

This bastard (the pager, not Doc H- just wanted to make sure that was clear) stresses me out. What if I read the numbers wrong? What if I text a typo? Transpose numbers? What if someone is on the other end bleeding...bad.

I know if I get in the shower it will scream at me mid-shampoo. I have errands to run. I don't want it screaming at me, drawing attention to me in Safeway. I don't want to clog up the Metamucil aisle like I did last time as I text the page. The busload of seniors from the independent living facility in my neighborhood are not patient grannies and grampies. One even mumbled I should learn to drive my buggy as she squeezed by me. Didn't she noticed I was traumatized? I was texting as fast as possible, my eyes darting back and forth between pager and IPhone, double checking the number, correcting the number all while whispering obscenities to myself? Didn't they notice the stress sweat forming on my upper lip? Cut me some slack lady!

Woman's clothes were not designed to carry pagers. Even if Doc H's pager had a clip, which it does not, women's clothing does support such devices. So I have to carry it...in a pocket. Women's clothes don't have those either... especially functioning pockets. We have small decorative pockets which may be large enough to carry a lipstick, not a pager.

My purse is not a viable option. Like most mom purses, my purse is a black hole. I'm afraid I would never find it in a timely manner.

So what's a Doc wife to do? I carry it like every other self-respecting woman who has something of value on her person... I stick it in my cup. I've got two cups, but you'll usually find it in the left cup.  My silhouette is a little deformed as I push the buggy down around the store, but at least I know it's there, it's safe, and it's easily retrievable.

Now, if I could just figure out how to turn it on vibrate.


Click here if you're curious how my day went.



read to be read at yeahwrite.me

86 comments:

  1. Good luck today! Sounds like you'll need a nice glass of wine when the day is done!

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    1. Something stronger. I'm still trying to find the inner strength to write my post about everything that went down...

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  2. I always see doctors on General Hospital and Grey's Anatomy using pagers and think, "That's so stupid. Who uses pagers anymore?" Now I know. Don't know why, but now I know. Good luck.

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    1. I think the medical profession is the only industry keeping pagers alive.

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  3. I'm sure it will all get better once you get that thing on vibrate...

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  4. LOL! I would have dropped that thing off to him at the hospital already! You are a better woman than me. Your line about, "Do drug dealers even carry pagers anymore?" had me cracking up.

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  5. I'm with RS on this one! That thing would have promptly been driven over to the hospital!!! You're a better woman than I :)

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    1. I would have cancelled my day to hand over the pager to him. It just wasn't meant to be...

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  6. Ha! The ending was great.. but just reading this made me a nervous wreck!


    Ps.. make sure you check out my giveaways this week! Lots of great stuff up for grabs :)

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  7. Haha! Oh NO, not the pager! I feel anxious just thinking about it. That's far too much responsiblity for me to handle. I'd have to drive it to him and drop it off. Haha!

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    1. Usually, I can drop it off, but he was too busy for the hand off. It was a crazy day. Once I recover from it all, I will blog. It might be next week. It was awful.

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  8. hahahah I use to carry many an item in my cups..besides the obvious, oversized ones. I am stressed out for you jsut reading about the pager. next time make him drive home to get it...bet he won't forget again.

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    1. LMAO!!! Him drive home to get it?!!! Oh, Robbie! How I wish I could! However, I don't think the poor patient who is laying on the table would take too kindly to a surgeon who left him laying in the OR while all his guts are outside his body.
      Thanks for making my coffee come out my nose! Love it! :)

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  9. Funny stuff. Your husband, being an M.D., is a drug dealer of sorts, so I guess they do still use them. :) I also like clogging up the Metamucil lane. It's nice to laugh. Good story.

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  10. Ha, that is stressful! He should have to come get it during his lunch or something...

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    1. No lunch breakie for him. Hardly ever. If he's lucky 30 minutes.

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  11. aahahahaaaa. you're killin me! if i could only figure out how to turn it on vibrate. you are too much :)

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  12. oh no. i'd be stressed for sure. get off her back old lady... it will most likely be your number she's trying to get to her husband later :)

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    1. That's exactly what I thought, but I didn't have the heart to put it on paper. I'm fear Karma! LOL!

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  13. Ugh, that definitely sounds stressful! Loved your "clogged up the metamucil aisle" line, ha!

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  14. Fortunately the Metamucil aisle is easily unclogged.

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  15. Oh I can't even imagine the stress! You have a way with words though, and made it funny as well!

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  16. First, I've got to say I'm seriously jealous that you can fit a pager in your cup because even without it's normal occupant my cup won't hold a pager. I've never had to worry about someone dying while I was pager babysitting, but I did have to worry about somebody not being able to use their toilet. Also, plumber vulgarity over a Mike phone with toddlers in the house is not nice. Now I'm wondering if this is where my issue with any sort of beeping noises comes from?

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    1. Oh, don't be jealous! It's not that they're big, they're just really long and need to be rolled up and hung up and stuffed somewhere.

      Truth. Hurts. Bad.

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  17. Good story, well told. I also thought that pagers were technological relics. Funny.

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  18. You deserve a best wife ever trophy. If it were me, I would drive to DocH's work, throw it at him and run away real fast.

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    1. Thanks for the trophy, but I think I'd be tackled by hospital security or some pissed off OR nurses for breaking the sterile field in the OR. I'd probably find myself staring at some padded walls on the psych floor.

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  19. I carry things in my cups all the time ... also usually the left ... because there aren't functional pockets in most of my clothes lol ...

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  20. My cellphone is bad enough, I can't imagine trying to find a place to put a pager. My purse is a black hole, too.

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    1. I'm telling you...things go in and never come out.

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  21. My Mom's friend was a doctor's wife she called my Mom one day very amused. A patient called and on hearing the doctor was out said to her, "You have been married to him very long now surely you must know what I must do I have this pain......"

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    1. Oh, JEEZ! I would love to have that happen to me! I can just hear myself...
      Sure, come on over and lie down on my kitchen counter and I'd be more than happy to perform a bypass. I have a pretty sharp kitchen knife. I don't have any propofol, but I do have some bottles of brandy. Once inside, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to spot your aorta. I'll have to cut into your groin to harvest a healthy vein. Wait. What? Yes, you'll still have to pay your co-pay.

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  22. I had a pager when I was 16. I wasn't a drug dealer, either. My granny usually paged me to tell me she found a rabbit in her garden. Stupid.

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  23. That's so crazy that doctors still have pagers. Weird. I'm really glad I'm not married to a doctor. I would completely panic!

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  24. awesome. and it does seem odd that drug dealers no longer carry pagers but doctors do...

    p.s. YES! IT'S SO A BUGGY, RIGHT? :)

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    1. Doc H and I have this discussion all the time. He says buggy, I say cart. The grouchy oldie called it a buggy. So for this post it's definitely a BUGGY!

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  25. Sounds like a great system - kinda sorta. I like where you stash it - there's plenty of room in my bra. Oh wait. Did you mean another kind of cup?

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  26. I'm so glad beepers are not out in the general population anymore. They give me PTSD. I once slammed mine against the wall during a particularly brutal intern night. I then got the pleasure of putting it back together with surgical tape and rubber bands. It forever went waaa, waaaaaa. Ellen

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    1. I am laughing so hard!!!! You have no idea!! Surgical tape is what holds my house together!!! Bwawhahahahaha!

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  27. I hate any technology that demands an immediate response. I LOVE that you keep it in your bra. Awesome. Erin

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    1. I despise, DESPISE the beeper!!!! UGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  28. Hahahaha! Call me next time you're saddled with it after you've figure out the vibrate function. I will page you 200 times. Yup. We'll be like lesbians only...not.

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    1. Hold on...let me position it...just....right....

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  29. It's part of an international plot: WHY DON'T WOMEN'S CLOTHES HAVE FUNCTIONAL DAMN POCKETS? I hate that. Trousers with teeny little "pockets" that wouldn't hold a quarter; shirts with pockets attractively designed to frame the entire boobal area... ugh. But perhaps you're onto something: a bra with a built in little pocket, like those sneakers that have a little slot for your keys? hmm...

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  30. Love the last line.

    Happy to have found you!

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  31. I totally feel your pain. I'm married to a doctor too and I hate that freakin' pager. What is worse is that my hubby doesn't know how to text. You can ONLY reach him by pager. Yeppers, he's living in the dinosaur age!!!!!!

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  32. Oh wow I could not handle that kind of pressure. Not even on vibrate.

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  33. Haha! "I don't think drug dealers even use beepers anymore, right?" I am always wondering when the Dr/pager thing is going to go away. What is up with that?

    I LOVE your header. So creative!

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  34. Hopefully you made it through the day. The black hole of the purse - so true! Big or small for me, doesn't matter, I can never find what I'm looking for!!

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  35. I thought my hubby was the only one who still used a pager! Happily it does not get used that often, and he's not a doctor! May your pager days be fewer and farther between! (Three years?! How can you see at night! LOL!)

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  36. My sister is a ped, and my GOD the stuff inside that white coat!! I feel like she doesn't have to work out or lift, as long as that coat is on.
    Hopefully the day wasn't too bad!

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  37. Brilliant.Love the writing style. Love the powerful, word pictures you create. Love the image in your header. And I admire the niche you have created in this blogging world. Great work.

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  38. Great story! Happy SITS day to you!!

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  39. {Kathy} When my husband carried a pager, it made our family NUTS! It was like a crying infant (and he's in pediatrics) in the middle of the room that someone would just keep poking with a straight pin!
    I threatened more than once to throw it into the canal behind our house. The day that thing went away was like a collective "Thank you Jesus!" in our home.
    Now, he has an answering service that treats him like gold-- because he pays them to--and he gets them to text, send whatever the phone calls to him.
    I have carried his phone for a day when he has forgotten it. The kind folks that do this for a living are heroes for fielding those calls.

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  40. Happy SITS day! Your hubby is lucky to have you. I'm so glad I married an engineer. I don't think I could handle the stress of living with a doctor. Kudos to you!

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  41. I'm with you - I thought pagers went out with the 90's! Apparently I was misinformed :-P Kudos for you for putting up with pager duty. And of course, happy SITS day :-)

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  42. I'm with you - I thought pagers went out with the 90's. Apparently I was misinformed! Kudos to you for putting up with it. And of course, cheers on your SITS day :-)

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  43. Carrying things without pockets is a pain. By mistake I bought two pair of slacks without pockets. I like to carry my cell phone and keys in pockets and leave my purse elsewhere. Enjoyed the post. Happy SITS Day.

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  44. That would stress me right out! I hope you don't have to do this often.

    Oh, and Happy SITS Day!

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  45. OH my gosh! Just reading this post made me stress out! I would so feel so responsible if I had to do that. I hope it doesn't happen too often. Also, you are right about the clothing...sometimes I want to carry my cell phone to meetings, etc...and there are rarely pockets in women's clothing. Happy SITS Day!

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  46. OMG! I got a little stressed out just reading your post. What a huge responsibility! I hope that does not happen too often for you! You are right about the clothing...they need more pockets in our clothing. Happy SITS Day!

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  47. Ha, ha, ha!! This made me laugh out loud! :) Happy SITS day to you!!

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  48. This is kind of hilarious! Happy SITS day!

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  49. I think if you could put it on vibrate and carry it in your cup, that would make you look forward to being stuck with the pager. It would for me at least. I'd totally be calling the doctor up like "send me a page... I want to make sure the pager is still working."

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  50. Pagers stress me out! My Dad was a doctor and I remember being so scared every time the pager went off. I lived with my sister when she was doing her residency and OMG that pager would be the bane of my existence because she would ALWAYS forget it. phew. I'm glad I don't live with her anymore :-) Happy SITS Day!

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  51. Oh that's funny! My husband carries a pager, but he's an Engineer. Strange that an Engineer has to carry something so archaic. It drives me nuts, too.

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  52. Awesome. It actually doesn't sound so bad to be strapped with the pager, right? :)

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  53. My mom is a nurse, and she used to carry a pager when she was on call. We always babysat the pager when she was in the shower. Can't believe hospitals still use those! Happy SITS day!

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  54. Bahahahaha! I use my bra to hold things too, especially when exercising. It's convenient ;)

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  55. do you watch 30 Rock? this made me think about Liz's boyfriend Dennis, "The Beeper King" - ha!

    now, I must ask....why not just drive the pager over to his office/hospital upon discovering it?

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  56. Whew. Sounds exhausting! You'd think they'd come up with a better way other than big, dumb pagers:(
    Happy SITS day!!

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  57. So much responsibility ;). Was that in the wedding vows when you marry a doctor? I promise to love, honor, obey, and transcribe all of my doctor husband's pager messages when he forgets his pager at home? Hehehe, happy day late SITS day.

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  58. pagers, I completely forget how they work :/ Sounds stressful though being the owner of a beeper or the one that has to relay the messages :(

    Happy SITS day

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