Friday, June 22, 2012

College: A Horrendous First Year

D1 is finishing up a horrendous first year away at college.

It's frustrating. You pay through the nose for your kids to "grow" through education. Instead, all the grows this the size of your daughter's a** (hey- mine did, too!), her social circle, and her deep appreciation for the damned Red Solo Cup.

You remember Spring Break, don't you? Well, after a stern talk we thought she'd do an about face. Not so. {sigh}

Source
While she's not flunking out, her grades are nothing to write home about. She is capable of so much more. Her grades are definitely not good enough to keep her in the special program she's been enrolled in. She told us not to worry. She had been quite ill during the Spring semester and she was going to pull it around during summer session.

Fine, we believe in her. We support her. We pay the big bucks to keep her at her out-of-state university for the summer.

One week into summer session and she is sick. Very sick. Antibiotics needed and prescribed. Great! No, not great. She phones. She's itchy. She phones again. She's red. She emails Doc H a photo of herself. She's having an allergic reaction to the antibiotic.

She is all alone, incredibly sick and without help. Her recovery will not be quick. I'm thinking she will have to withdraw from Summer session classes. Part of me just wants to go, pack her up, and bring her home.

Let's just call it a year and file this under "life experiences".


6 comments:

  1. I hope she feels better. Having a daughter that just graduated this year, there are so many frustrating things that go on in the 4 years. You want them to learn on their own but you also want to guide them away from mistakes.

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    1. I'm trying to figure out if they don't hear us when we talk to them about the perils and pitfalls of living on your own, or if they just decided to ignore all our warnings? Very frustrating!!!

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  2. There's nothing worse that being away from home and sick. I hope she gets better soon.

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    1. She is still very sick. I almost flew out there the other day. She's been to the doctor 3 times already. It's really bad for her and she cannot fly home. She had to withdraw from summer session. :(

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  3. I remember my first year away at college. I was super smart and bright in high school (top 10 % of my class). When I went off to school I went nuts! (And I was at an all girls private catholic college--boys/athletes across the street:)) I could NOT keep up academically with the type of social schedule I was keeping. At xmas I came home with the worst grades ever (C's and B's). (I was a straight A student in high school with AP courses so this was a shock to my parents who were paying out of pocket for my entire education.) My Dad flipped out. I went back the second semester and came home with a 2.0. No F's but a few D's. I enrolled in summer school for a week. Then I just couldn't keep up. My Dad made me get a job, my mom put me in therapy and I worked through all the issues that were causing me to self destruct (drinking too much, not sleeping enough, putting unreasonable pressure on myself to "do it all", deal with my immaturity of the world, etc). There was an understanding that if I didn't get my head on straight my parents might not let me go back. The worst thing in the world was being stuck at home while all my friends were away at college. My Dad and I had weekly/daily talks about his expectations. My mom cut back my spending allowance and my parents just "parented" me more. It was a pain for them and they were worried sick but just knowing they cared so much made me feel accountable. I went back to school sophomore year with my head on straight. (Let me add I was on thin ice at school... disciplinary probation --not academic--for being caught drinking under age on campus. Probably NOT a big deal at most state colleges or private schools but being an all women's catholic school our standards were more strict--and thank goodness!) I found my groove in a particular department/my major, my grades went up, my entire family (I lived far from my parents but close to my Dad's brothers/sisters) plugged in with me more. (Uncles would come visit for football games and give me a "talk" about expectations, etc). My ass did get smaller. I had a few failed college relationships. And then while away on a trip I met my husband (current DrH). The stars aligned. I grew up quite a bit sophomore and junior year. By senior year I was on the dean's list while DrH was taking MCAT and pre-med req's (this was his second career) and the rest is history. 2 kids, surgery residency and thriving is the name of the game for me now...(residency sucks, don't get me wrong). My point is: if you feel it's a good time to call it a wrap on this first year of college I suggest you DO IT! Your daughter probably needs to come back to nest for the summer, get her head on straight, get some parenting, and gear up for a better year in the fall. I would say I was a good kid. I'm sure your daughter is too. We all need guidance and parenting throughout these tough years. The sooner parents get on top of these issues the less money and worry they put out. My FIL (a doctor) just let his 3 daughters mozzey (spelling?) on through college. 12 semesters for each daughter out of state at mediocre schools and they STILL are not off the tit. (One never gradated, one just graduated with a 1 yr old and an unemployed husband and the other has NEVER had a professional job but just turned 30 and does have a college degree.) Married to losers with kids and daddy still pays all their bills and the girls either live at home with him or he just pays for their stuff. There is no end in sight for him. Had he dropped the hammer on them freshman/sophomore year I promise they would be more mature and had made better choices in spouses/career/ etc for themselves. Just my two cents...take it for what it's worth. This parenting thing is hard. I hope your daughter feels better. Allergic reactions to meds just sucks!

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    1. ARGH!!! Well, I hope we don't get to that point. I'm praying she learns from this that she has to take care of herself and pace her social life and study time. If not, she'll be home before the holidays to re-group. Thanks for sharing your insight. It is very helpful and supportive. I appreciate it!!!

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