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My relationship with Doc H is a solid one. I love him and the thought of losing my beloved scares all bodily fluids out of me. However, there are some activities even the most dedicated and in love couples should not do together... because simply put, they are the pathway to divorce.
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Hang wall paper. My parents almost got divorced over this twenty-six years ago. You can imagine their disappointment when my high school boyfriend decided he should play "butt-pinball" will my baby brother thrown over his shoulder and he bounced my brother's ass off the walls and ultimately straight through the wall and the wallpaper.
Shop for Televisions. Forget about what type to buy. Plasma, LED, LCD... is that even right? I don't know and frankly, my Dear, I don't give a damn. Just get me a tv that is the right size. This is probably the only time you will hear me say, "Smaller is better" unless we're talking about tumors or my dress size, of course.
Assembling Anything. Here it is people. Avoid the AA of marriage. Just don't do it. It'll never come out right and you'll always have extra parts left over. In case your married to a doc too, here's a friendly piece of advice... Don't look at the extra screws in your hand and ask your Doc H if he finds himself with extra parts after surgery.
Move furniture. Specifically, move furniture upstairs. You have a bad back and your wonderbrain husband tells you, you don't have to "lift" you just have to "slide" the furniture "up" the stairs. You say things don't "slide" up; they slide "down". He say's he'll do the pushing, you just "guide". You see him tilt the damn thing on it's side and you KNOW with CERTAINTY this shananigan will end disastrously. Something is going to break or get damaged...your back, his back, the dresser, the newly textured and painted walls, the new hardwood flooring, stairs, banister, a combo, or quite possibly everthing in its path. You bitch, you moan, you groan, you give the stink eye, you hiss and piss all over this stupid brainchild of your husband. But you unwillingly participate, because if you don't and it all goes to hell, you'll be blamed for your lack of help. You hate him at the bottom of the stairs... and you absolutely detest him at the top of the stairs because, DAMMIT to hell! It worked. Like a charm. But you decide to be mad anyways....because, it was a stupid idea and it should not have worked.
You are so right! We are past the days of wallpaper, so I can replace that with painting from personal experience. We have come to the agreement that all electronics/cars fall into his purview and anything else that goes into the house falls into mine. It works out lovely.
ReplyDeleteWell, I hate shopping for all that stuff, too! HA! Plus, he has a more artistic eye than I do, so I pretty much let him go at that stuff, too. I just have to pull on the reigns every now and then to make sure the house doesn't turn into a complete man cave. ;)
DeleteI agree with moving furniture. After 15 years together, many of which were spent as students moving our own stuff onto and off of a rented truck, I can atest to this. It's a miracle we survived.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to add canoeing to the list. I can't think of anything else that has led to more arguments including the tossing of paddles and troming through woods. It's bad news.
You're right about canoeing! However, it was our daughters that were going to leave us after our last trip. That's a post in itself.
DeleteOh I hear you on the assembling. I just let him do it, with no glance at the instructions while I stand by the phone waiting to call the handyman...
ReplyDeleteHehe!!! I dial 1-800-DAD.
DeleteAnything related to car repairs ie: changing a tire. Add extreme heat into the mixture and it's a done deal.
ReplyDeleteHaha! When I got my first car, my father taught me how to rotate my tires, so I'm pretty good there. No help needed. But, there have been other automobile disasters which did not go over well... That, too, is another post in itself!
DeleteAnything DIY is a bad idea. I've learned to just walk away slowly ;)
ReplyDeleteAhh love this post! Hubsters and I can't build anything. Guaranteed we will be arguing and mad at each other within about 5 minutes.
ReplyDeleteHi! I'm following you from Mom's Monday Mingle. Look forward to coming back and reading more! Would appreciate the follow back!
ReplyDeleteHave a great day! -Kat
http://mom-uncensored.blogspot.com
Aha! So true. Butt pinball sounds like a blast!
ReplyDeleteSnort! I think this means my husband and I have a bleak future, as we suffer through all of these things. Throw in packing the minivan for a day trip and you've got our glorious life in a nutshell ;)
ReplyDeleteAlso picking painting colors. After round 5 of trying to get our bedroom painted, my husband announced he would just give me a divorce and to please God stop the madness! I could have everything, he wouldnt contest it. Just let him stop painting! We found a color and stayed married. Nothing has been painted recently...
ReplyDeleteHa! Love this. I would like to add "load the dishwasher" to this list because my husband and I can NOT agree on the best way to do it. (My way is better, obviously.)
ReplyDeletehaha - this is hysterical. i'm proud to say we have successfully survived TV shopping and moving furniture - although i never plan on hanging wall paper :)
ReplyDeleteexcited to be your newest follower!
love,
elisabeth
http://lavitaebella-elisabeth.blogspot.com/
LOL - Omigosh - you are sooo funny! I could add a few things to this list (e.g., picking a new pet, buying new curtains, ok, maybe shopping in general!) I'm visiting you from the Stacking Your Stats linky and I'm following you via FB, Twitter, Pinterest, GFC, and Linky.
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to leave you a quick word to make sure you've seen our Summer Reading Weekly Book Giveaway. We are giving away free children's books all summer long and the giveaways are open internationally. Week #2 is ON! Thanks so much and have a great week. Cheers, Renee
http://motherdaughterbookreviews.com/summer-reading-weekly-book-giveaways-week-2/
You are absolutely right about that furniture!! I also agree about the televisions. My husband once spent SIX HOURS inside Best Buy buying a TV. I wasn't with him. Thank God.
ReplyDelete(Thanks for linking this up with us over at #findingthefunny a couple of weeks ago!)
My husband is a mechanical engineer and tends to over think everything he does. We've been married 21 years and until recently, HIS way was the best way to do everything. EVERYTHING! When we remodeled our bathroom, I wrote a post about how before people get married, they should be required to complete a home renovation project. Forget parenting styles, and money issues... if you can't work together remodeling a house or a room, then you shouldn't get married! (Not really!)Finally, he's starting to take my suggestions about making things move a little more smoothly and there aren't as many arguments when we do a project together.
ReplyDeleteI felt the same way during a recent flat screen purchase. I don't care but it just has to come on when I press the button. I dislike IKEA for the same assembly required issue. AND sons are for helping hubby with furniture and stay away from the walls. I generally leave during that process!
ReplyDeleteEXCELLENT advice! My husband is like the nicest guy in the world, but whenever I ask him to do household chores with me I hear him swearing like a sailor and likely to punch a hole in the wall. I've learned to steer clear, hand him a beer, and show him my rear. Sorry, I just made that up on the fly and it was fun. This was a fun post to read. I absolutely love the X-ray photo. Please tell me that's your foot! I've had nine foot surgeries--any chance your hubby's a podiatrist?
ReplyDelete