Wednesday, August 8, 2012

For the Love of Ryan Lochte's Abs

I got nothing. The tank is empty. Just like the athletic participants of the games, the Olympics have left me flat on my backside staring up to the sky trying to muster enough energy just to get up and out of bed.

Normally, here, I would stop to open another window on my computer and Google the name of the CEO of NBC or Director of Programming. My fingers are too numb to go that extra distance. So it's going down like this...

Dear CrackPot, 
I love the Olympics. I have been an avid Olympic watcher since Dorothy Hamill won her gold in 1976.   As child, I sat in front of our family television and dreamt of the day I would receive my gold medal. The Olympic Games served as inspiration for my young aspirations. 
So I ask, why are you trying to kill us with your scheduling of the events? Must you start so late, programing the day's highlight just short of midnight? You're scheduling is killing me and it's not for lack of preparations. 
I have carefully prepared for these games. In an effort to view the games, rather than discontinue my caffeine intake at lunch, I continue throughout the day. After dinner, I snack on sugar-laden Red Vines hoping the sugar surge will take me to the midnight finish line.  
If medals were awarded each night in Olympic Viewing, I would have to be awarded the tin medal. Why? Because I have yet to make it to the finish line.  
Here is my Olympic schedule: 
8pm- I'm off to a fantastic start. Feeling good.
9pm- I've found a comfortable and steady pace.
9:30pm- Feeling I can go the distance.
10pm- My eyelids begin feeling fatigued. Perhaps a pulled levator palpebrae superioris?
10:30- I'm down. 
Most nights, as luck would have it, I will find myself awaking at 11:55 just in time see the winner of the night's most touted event listen to their national anthem. Great. 
I then doze back to sleep during the news in an effort to refill my gas tanks. 
At 2am, I give the Games a second try. I watch, I doze, I watch, I doze, I watch, I doze, I watch, I doze. Despite this, my internal alarm clock still wakes me at 5am. 
After ten days of such viewing nonsense, your scheduling of the Games have defeated me.  
For the love of Ryan Lochte's abs, please begin evening programing at 6:30pm.  
Sincerely Tired, 
~Emma


Come hang out at Yeah Write. 
Be read and read others. It's a cool place.
read to be read at yeahwrite.me

30 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Sad to say, but I'm actually looking forward to the closing ceremonies, so I can get a good night of shut eye. :(

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  2. hahahaha! This is AWESOME! I can definitely relate. :)

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  3. The fun the olympics is all but gone. You can't get online without seeing who won a medal or what disaster happened on the balance beam before the games are even broadcasted. I like it better the old way - when we all watched together and then talked about it later. They have it backwards now - we talk about it and then watch it. Last night I was watching on the couch with my ipad on and headphones in next to my husband who was trying to stay asleep to watch. I am glad they start late so he can watch.

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    1. You are so right!
      Doc H had given up trying to watch. He has been getting home so late and then has to finish up charting once he does get home, that it's a lost cause.

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  4. Yes, yes, YES! It is seriously KILLING me! The abs help, but the rest is too much! I just discovered yesterday (after prying my eyelids open to see all of the gymnastics events Monday night) that they are offered BY EVENT on demand. I felt like a huge burden was lifted when I selected the gymnastics events for my kids to watch and although they kept poking me and prodding me to tell them who won, I felt okay removing the toothpicks I used to keep my eyes open these last few weeks to try to catch up on SOME of that lost sleep! Though I did peek a few times in hopes that my delirium the previous night prevented me from seeing that Gabby Douglas did indeed win. Because for the love of Ryan Lochte's abs, she is so darn cute!
    I LOVED this and if my comment is lacking in clarity, blame NBC.
    I've missed you!
    JATM

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    1. WHAT!? Are you playing with me? By EVENT? I'll be checking that out!
      Miss you too, but I've been lurking and making sure you don't need any back up. :)

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  5. Lol!! You had me at "Ryan Lotche's abs". ;) But, yeah I agree. The programming is way out of whack. I agree with FADW, too. With the internet it's backwards now.

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    Replies
    1. So true. The games loose they intensity and excitement when you know the outcome, right?

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  6. Amen! This is the worst olympics in the history of olympics and i'm in my 30's! the drama is great, but the drama i have to deal with after NOT sleeping is NOT worth it! I have watched 2 events...and that is it. i'm so sad. it appears there were some great performances. why didn't some genius think to play re-runs for the very tired stay at home mom the next day instead of kelly and hoda?! i can do without all of them for a few weeks if i get to stare at awesome abs and watch little girls jump on the floor. jussayin'.

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    1. I am seriously contemplating a nap right now... I don't think I'll make it through the day.

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  7. You are so right (and funny)!! WAY more of a trooper than I am. I love the Olympics but can't seem to manage staying up past 11 on a work night!

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    Replies
    1. Well, you have me beat by 30 minutes! So bloody tired!!!!!!........

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  8. Oh! I so agree! I started out high energy and all rested but as the days went on, I petered out. I have hardly seen a medal ceremony either. It is brutal. We id comment that it will be better in Brazil being the same time zone. And wishing it was in Chicago, my home town. :-(

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    1. You're right about Brazil... that will be better. At this point I'm just counting the nights until Closing Ceremony. :(

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  9. I used to be able to read a book a night - even if it took until 5 am. Now, I'm lucky to get through a chapter. This is also why all of my reading glasses tend to sit a little funny on my face. They never are the same after you sleep on them.

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    1. Ha! Okay, Vanessa! I'll be able to spot you in a crowd now!

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  10. I stream it while I am working so I get to see chunks of it during daylight hours too.

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    1. Jack, "streaming" sounds too technologically advanced for me. This blog is held together with all the surgical tape my husband leaves around the house.

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  11. Amen! Where can I sign my name? Pretty much describes me with the exception of waking at 3am...which I do...and then can't get back to sleep and there is NOTHING on at that hour.

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  12. I agree. It sucks so hard. It sucks donkeys, man. I have missed every event I wanted to see because it was shown in the middle of the night. And when I try to stay up, I fall asleep in the commercial break right before they actually show what I want to see. It's the Frustration Olympics.

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  13. Wanted to stop by and say thank you for linking up for blogworking wed! I hope you met some great new bloggers!

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  14. Well, rest assured you aren't the only one missing the Olympics. This baby seems to think she's more important than television... what does she know?

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  15. Are they being aired live anywhere in the U.S.?

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  16. I avoid this whole problem by not owning a television; I just get online every so often to see who has the best abs and call it a day!

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  17. Oh yes, the RED VINES! Also a go-to for a sugar high in last ditch efforts to stay up...mostly so I can be up when the hubby gets home from a long day at the hospital ;)

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  18. I found you on the Monday Mingle. Gotta say I couldn't agree more about the Olympic schedule.... countless nights I was watching at 3am which was no friend to my insomnia.

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  19. Exactly! I am exhausted from the games. I'm too tired right now to even be depressed that they are over. When I wake-up I'll be one sad little Olympic junkie. Ellen

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