My feet and calves were long overdue a nice, long moisturizing massage which would turn my muscles to liquid. My aged-beyond-their-years hands needed to be tamed via chisels, chainsaws, and a direct infusion of moisturizers. Hang nails, cracked nails, chipped nails, split nails; I own them all. My mental faculties have been fatigued from the trauma of recent teen drama.
The calmness of the spa would be equal to downing a dose of Valium.
As I was seated next to a mother who was loudly pleading with her child for patience as she received her pampering, I realized something.
Apparently, I'm turning into a grumpy, old witch.
For years, I would smile at children and reassure mothers their children were not bothering me. After all, our four children had turned our house into a bona fide mad house for years. Screaming, unruly kids who loved to hang from the banisters were our life.
Yet, as I dipped my toes into the warm water, I could not get myself to smile at the mother or her child. Instead, I did my best not to make eye contact, because I do remember mothering is hard work.
However, internally, I rolled my eyes at her.
Next, I heard a sound which should be a foreign sound in a spa. Being there is a huge "No Cell Phones" sign on the front door, I expected this lady to turn her phone off. Either she didn't see the sign, or is just selfish. She carried on a loud conversation with her sister whose husband is apparently a dickhead.
Classy. I sneered at her.
The lady directly to my right seemed to be okay. She sat down, put her large tote bag just next to her and pulled out her iPad and earphones and logged into her Netflix account to watch a movie.
Not too cool, but tolerable.
Amid the chaos in the spa, I somehow managed to close my eyes, searching for the path to relaxation. Inevitably, my search was interrupted as people walked by, so I took to people watching as the ladies were ushered towards their relaxing spa experience.
Then an oddity walked by... a man! As he walked, a strange sound waffled through the spa.
Was it just me who heard that? I looked around. The sound continued. I made eye contact with others. Inquisitively, all our heads bobbed around trying to identify the oddness.
Finally, Ms. iPad, yanked her earphones from her ears, and began chastising her tote. As she did, the head of a chihuahua poked out and began a vocal assault on the male spa goer.
I was over it. This was to be my relaxing afternoon. I did what any grumpy, old witch would do.
I stared that bitch down into submission.