Monday, August 13, 2012

I Stared That B*+ch Down

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Yesterday, I booked an appointment at an upscale spa. It was pricey, but I was willing to pay for the relaxing ambiance and cucumber water they offered.

My feet and calves were long overdue a nice, long moisturizing massage which would turn my muscles to liquid. My aged-beyond-their-years hands needed to be tamed via chisels, chainsaws, and a direct infusion of moisturizers.  Hang nails, cracked nails, chipped nails, split nails; I own them all.  My mental faculties have been fatigued from the trauma of recent teen drama.

The calmness of the spa would be equal to downing a dose of Valium.

As I was seated next to a mother who was loudly pleading with her child for patience as she received her pampering, I realized something.

Apparently, I'm turning into a grumpy, old witch.


For years, I would smile at children and reassure mothers their children were not bothering me. After all, our four children had turned our house into a bona fide mad house for years. Screaming, unruly kids who loved to hang from the banisters were our life. 

Yet, as I dipped my toes into the warm water, I could not get myself to smile at the mother or her child. Instead, I did my best not to make eye contact, because I do remember mothering is hard work.

However, internally, I rolled my eyes at her.

Next, I heard a sound which should be a foreign sound in a spa. Being there is a huge "No Cell Phones" sign on the front door, I expected this lady to turn her phone off. Either she didn't see the sign, or is just selfish. She carried on a loud conversation with her sister whose husband is apparently a dickhead. 

Classy. I sneered at her.

The lady directly to my right seemed to be okay. She sat down, put her large tote bag just next to her and pulled out her iPad and earphones and logged into her Netflix account to watch a movie.

Not too cool, but tolerable.

Amid the chaos in the spa, I somehow managed to close my eyes, searching for the path to relaxation. Inevitably, my search was interrupted as people walked by, so I took to people watching as the ladies were ushered towards their relaxing spa experience. 

Then an oddity walked by... a man! As he walked, a strange sound waffled through the spa. 

Was it just me who heard that? I looked around. The sound continued. I made eye contact with others. Inquisitively, all our heads bobbed around trying to identify the oddness. 

Finally, Ms. iPad, yanked her earphones from her ears, and began chastising her tote. As she did, the head of a chihuahua poked out and began a vocal assault on the male spa goer. 

I was over it. This was to be my relaxing afternoon. I did what any grumpy, old witch would do. 

I stared that bitch down into submission.




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46 comments:

  1. I have never been a baby hater. In fact, children were welcome at my wedding and I always cast loving glances towards children, mothers with children, and pregnant women.

    That being said, I don't see how it is okay to bring children (or pets?!!) to upscale places, like spas or even fancy restaurants.

    Shady nail place at the mall ....fair game for cell phone talkers, purse-dogs, and screaming babies. Upscale spas that cost an arm and a leg to get your hands and feet done....not so much.

    Chain restaurants a la TGI Chilibee's .... fair game for all. Upscale restaurants like Ruth's Chris...no way!

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  2. OMG! I would of defiantly came uncorked also. Why on earth do you go to a spa to continue to act with your daily activities. People in my mind, take to much for granted thus leaving behind the real reason of what a spa experience is. They obviously have no manners or respect.

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    1. I know, right? A spa is where you go to unplug, detox, and relax. I got none of that. I would've been happier at my oldie but goodie, cheap-o nail salon where I would expect those kind of distractions.

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  3. Oh jeez. I totally agree with the first commenter. As a new mother to a perfect (ha!) baby, I get that sometimes your children embarrass you, and sometimes things happen. But a way to avoid those situations is to not take your children to inappropriate places. I have not had a pedicure since my daughter was born for this exact reason. She's 8 months old, therefore not old enough or mature enough to be taken to someplace as nice as a spa and expected to behave appropriately. Really, she has no business being there in the first place. Nice restaurants are the same. We go to the typical family or chain places, but if we want to go to a nice, grown up place we get a sitter, or just don't go. I get that sometimes things happen that can't be avoided, but these people in this particular situation should have just postponed their spa experience until they had the opportunity to go and not bother the others around them, and to actually enjoy the experience themselves. I would've rolled my eyes a few times as well.

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    1. I can't even remember how many years I went without going to the movies or a nice dinner because of the kids. It was stressful and embarrassing!

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  4. What the.... just... NO. Common courtesy is a modern-day lost art form. Grrrr! Get em!

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  5. I'm with everyone else. I can't imagine for the life of me what the rationale of taking a child to the spa with you. And a dog? Fuggetaboutit.

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  6. Isn't the whole point of going to a spa to get away.... if you bring your kids and a dog it is hardly a relaxing day of pampering. I promise to never bring my children to the spa, and to never carry a dog in a tote. Love the title of this post btw... who can refuse the temptation to read that!

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    1. I know that mother wasn't relaxing, so I don't know what or how she thought the visit to the spa would go...
      And the dog was just sheer craziness. Nothing like a chihuahua barking up a storm during your pedi. :(

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  7. Hahaha so funny! I totally caught myself doing the same thing the other day with a mother and son in front of me trying to choose which soda to buy from the vending machine. Instead of staring them down, I did my best to sigh as loudly as I could. I wondered what got into me too? I have two teenagers and I was never like this before, but maybe my patience is only tolerable until a certain age...like now. :-)

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    Replies
    1. Maybe it's like childbirth... You forget as time passes...

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  8. Haha! Love your last line. What else can you do? Bitches.

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  9. OMG you are a better woman than me. I would have gotten up after two minutes- demanded a private room and refund or for those a$$holes to get kicked out. No joke. I've done it before. I have kids...we all pay good money to escape them (and the dog, I have one of those too) for a few hours at a time. Maybe you put a big deposit in the good karma bank? With the way I'm feeling lately I probably would have just made things really awkward and said something to that bitch. Props to you for being so patient!

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    1. I'll be waiting for the right time to use the good karma I just deposited in the bank. Thanks for the reminder!

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  10. How rude of those people! Why the heck that lady would want to bring her child with her to the spa is beyond me!

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    1. Yeah, it definitely was not a kid friendly environment. It wasn't like they had "Highlight" magazines on the tables next to the cucumber water.

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  11. Oh my... you have to be kidding...! I would've done the same!!

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    1. Nope! And when I think of all the money I spent, I just want to cry! Wasn't worth it at all!

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  12. As a single woman, I've been bothered many times by situations like this...I'm glad that I'm not just a heartless, barren wench and that even mothers feel this way. There are appropriate places to bring your kids/dogs (dogs??), but the spa is definitely not one of them.

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    1. Definitely not you. There are kid-friendly places and this was NOT one of them!

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  13. Gah! Really?? As a fellow sufferer of teen drama, I feel your pain and know exactly what you needed--- some time away from crazy people and a little pampering. This was all just a little too much, but you handled it all and made me giggle at the end. Loved it, Erin

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  14. I'm all about dogs but I can't imagine bringing one to a spa. Dog park, yes. Spa, no. It's so simple! Love the progression of your emotions in this post from tuning-out to annoyed to grumpy to really grumpy but doing something about it!

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  15. It totally sucks to have that type of spa experience! I was surprised by the chihuahua, I really loved that ending (although I am sorry you had to live it!

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  16. What? I mean, WTF? This is too insane. I would want my money back, and an extra thermos of cucumber water TO GO!

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  17. I have a 17 month old and I would NEVER even THINK about bringing him to the spa or even the cheap mani/pedi place! The girls would have to chase me around the place to paint my feet. In fact, I have a gift certificate for a "Mommy's Day Out" (that my sweet hubby got me for Mother's Day) at a really nice spa right by my house, but since I am Dr Mommy, it sits unused as of yet. One day soon, when Saturdays aren't taken up by haircuts, cleaning, laundry, etc.

    Oh, my step-mom would SO be the one bringing her dog to the spa. Before the poor thing was finally put to sleep, she took her 11-year old Shi-Tzu everywhere. That dog was blind, so she ran into everything, had diabetes and acute pancreatitis, Cushing's disease, and tore her ACL but was so sick she wouldn't survive surgery. Step-Mom wanted to get the dog a wheelchair so she could wheel her little (blind) self all over the place and got mad when I told her she couldn't bring the dog to my house. I didn't think a blind dog in a wheelchair was a good combo with a toddler :-)

    BTW, I think your reactions were spot on! You're a far better woman than me to keep your mouth shut.

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  18. That is exactly why I never get out of the house lol. I don't want my kids annpoying the crud out of people. I mean sure Wal-mart and fast food is fine. Places designed specifically for children, but salons, spas, nice restuarants. Ah no. I don't want to be the parent who has 20 ppl glaring at them lol. Although my kids are generally well behaved it's not a hard a fast occurence. SO I avoid the fancier digs until I got a babysitter!

    Awesome post! And cell phone ppl annoy me to no end!!

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  19. Whaaaat! I don't spend much (any) time in spas, but they're supposed to be like libraries, no?!?

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  20. My blood pressure is boiling just reading this! I would have lost my shit. The spa should have kicked all of those people out! I hope you got your money back.

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  21. Why the hell would you take your dog to a spa? Or your Netflix? I don't get it! Sounds like one of the least relaxing experiences ever :(

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  22. OMG this infuriates me. ALL OF IT. keep your kids, pets, movies HOME!

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  23. Not cool. I don't mean you -- you're very cool -- I mean the other customers at this spa and the manager who didn't throw them out.

    If I'm paying for relaxation, I'd darn well better get it!

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  24. She brought her DOG to the spa? You have got to be kidding me! Wow.

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  25. Okay...this just made me SOOOOO angry! Why would you even WANT to bring your child to the spa?! And your DOG?! People are seriously out of their minds! I AM a bitch and I SOOOOO would have complained. Yup. I am now THAT woman. In my defense, your day was supposed to consist of everything mothers are generally lacking--time, money, relaxation, feeling GOOD...if I were able to work all of that out and some chihuahua-lovin', movie-watchin' woman and some crazy woman who thinks that it is okay to bring children to the spa ruin it for me, I am not responsible for my actions. Though I am certain that your "stare down" said it all!

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  26. You know what I hate? I can't stand it when I am at the gym on the treadmill and someone has a conversation so loud on their cellphone that even my ipod won't drown it out. Can you not stop talking for 30 friggin minutes?

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  27. I love that I don't know which bitch you stared down!! I get it - my first reaction is that something is wrong with me (I'm getting witchy/grumpy/etc) and then I think, wait, who are these people that bring kids and dogs to a spa? Well done!

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  28. It's interesting that the spa wouldn't have told them that kids and dogs weren't allowed. I get that they don't want to offend their customers, but by not saying something, they risk losing the business of those that might want to find a quieter spa!

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  29. lol I love reading your posts. At least I know what to expect when I go in for my massage next weeks. But seriously, I draw the line at chihuahuas. Those yippity little brats get on my nerves!!

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  30. That is unreasonable for a fancy spa to have circumstances like that. The last time my husband went on a date we were seated at a table directly beside a huge group of people with 7 kids under 3. I was so mad we asked to be moved. It was almost 9:00pm why on earth do people bring kids where they do not belong? I have 4 under age 1-6 and I never bring them anywhere like that. I hope you get to rest next time!

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  31. Whether you love kids or hate them, no one wants some stranger's kid interrupting what was supposed to be a relaxing day at the spa. Ever. Don't even get me started on the dog. For the record, I would have been rolling my eyes too. Maybe not just internally.

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