Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Throw Me a LifeSaver {Coaches and Athletes Help Me}

I think yesterday had to be one of the worst days of my life. {Hold on. I have to pause here to think this through...financial hardship, 7 years bad credit,  divorce, life-threatening tumor.} Yes, yesterday was one of the worst days of my life. No exaggeration.

There is nothing more hurtful and cut-my-heart-out-and-stomp-on-it painful then when your child is heartbroken over a matter which you cannot understand yourself.

I spent yesterday grappling with the news that our daughter was cut from her high school sport team. She doesn't understand and, quite frankly, neither do I. When she first told me she had been cut, I thought she was joking. She said, "No joke." She then forwarded the email so I could read it for myself. In all honesty, I thought I would open it and discover I had been punked. I was praying for Ashton Kutcher to jump out from behind me. Ashton never showed up.

She was one of 5 girls who were cut. Ouch!

Here are my reasons for disbelief over this:
She has fantastic stats.
Last year, her scoring efforts pushed her HS team to a win in 3 games.
After the school season she continued playing via club where, in her best game, scored 4 goals.

So I began to think "why?"...

Did she have any difficulties bonding with teammates? A temperamental personality that a Coach would not care to have on their team?
No. Both her high school coach and club coach both told me at the end of the respective seasons, she was a pleasure to have around. Club Coach even emails me to make sure she will be back again next season.

Here's why I think she was cut...
She was sick during tryouts. It was a three day tryout. She felt fine on day one. Tried out sick on day two, and missed day three. I did email the Coach telling her she wouldn't be at school and asking what would happen if she missed day three of tryouts. She said not to worry. She could finish tryouts when she returned to school. She finished up on Friday after the roster had already been posted.
This year the school has a new, young coach. Maybe she didn't review the stats from last year's team?

To add insult to injury, I was the mom the who brought drinks to the first game and organized drinks for the rest of the season. Not that such parental efforts should matter, but still...

So, here's where the heartbreak comes in. I had no words of explanation for my daughter. All I could offer was a trip to the mall for some retail therapy. That's it. That's all I had in my bag of mommy-will-make-it feel-better bag of tricks. Pathetic.

As the tears continuted to flow, I had no words to better the situation other than she could still play club and should turn her focus to next year's team. (But really, who has ever heard of someone being cut from JV and consequently playing Varsity? Anyone? Anyone?)

Anyone a coach out there? Any high school athletes?  I would love some advice!


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10 comments:

  1. I would definitely inquire (or have your daughter inquire) as to why she was cut. After all that, you both definitely deserve an explanation.

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  2. Man that is a tough one. I grew up as a daughter of a couch and I can't wrap my head around it. One of the things that flashes to mind is that if your daughter was absent from school due to sickness then she is automatically absent from try outs. (Sports does not triumph academics with my father) IF the coach already posted the team roster with out giving your daughter a chance to make up for the third day after saying she would then that is UNFAIRNESS because she had her mind made up already. Personally I would have a meeting with the couch and principle about it. Being a young couch they might not have experience in this area.

    Candice
    www.lillythroughthevalley.blogspot.ca

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  3. My high school didn't cut anyone. That didn't mean you would get to play much, but you got to go to practice every day and suit up for the games. If the team was winning or loosing by a big margin, the coaches would let almost anyone play. That's not even the case with your daughter. I can't believe that the coaches made the cuts through email. This isn't professional sports. The coaches should tell the kids why they didn't make the team and not leave them hanging.

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  4. Ahhh poor girl! So tough!
    I was a high school athlete and made Varsity by freshman year, and we had a new coach my sophomore year and I was put on JV. I was heartbroken, especially because I had great stats too. Sometimes coaches just don't get it, and life is unfair. It is a good life long lesson, to push through even when things are so unfair. Still doesn't hurt the sting. Sometimes the best thing for you to do is continue to encourage your daughter and tell her how proud you are- despite unfair decisions.
    On a practical note; I'd talk to the coach. I'd have your daughter talk to her first, and ask what she could have done better & ask about the rooster being posted. Then, you should talk to her too.

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  5. This is one of the lessons of life that are the most difficult to explain. Why didn't something happen when by all indictions it should have. I agree, having a conversation with the coach is appropriate. She has been a good team player, has good stats, has a mother who cares - it seems as if the previous coach would have been there this wouldn't be an issue. I wish you luck, and hope your daughter doesn't let this disappointment keep her down.

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  6. I come from a family of intense pain in the ass athletes...I agree with everyone on here. YOU and maybe DrH should dress us and have a sit down with the coach. Inquire about why your daughter was cut, what she can do to make the team next year and keep her in mind if anyone gets injured or there is a need for roster changes. Gently let it be known you understand how it's tough to be "fair" when a player is sick. This happened to me in college. I was on vicodin from teeth extraction week of tryouts. After spending all summer preparing with a personal trainer I was only able to suit up 2 out of the 7 days of try outs (bc of intense bleeding in the mouth and overall illness.) I was put on reserve list and decided I would rather have fun as a freshman than be on reserve list (doing the grunt work in practice and not getting to play or suit up). It's an important lesson in life to handle disappointment. If your daughter is THAT good and loves the SPORT THAT much then sitting out one season with school while maintaining her stamina in club sport might open other doors for her. Maybe this is the year she takes the PSAT/SAT and makes a GREAT score that gives her a scholarship? Or maybe it's the year she discovers a different passion (photography, fashion, etc?) to add to her already many talents? PS Powerscore if the way to go with preparing for SAT. Our success is not defined by our failures but how we deal with them. Good luck! I would have offered retail therapy too!

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  7. First of all your daughter needs to decide if she would want to tryout next year. If not and she is going to pursue other sports than no biggie. If in fact she does want to than I would definitely encourage your daughter to talk with the coach and find out what she needs to work on/why was she cut. If I was her I would also ask the coach if there were any way to be on the team as a manager or water/stat girl and have the opportunity to practice with the team. It will prove her dedication and give her more of an edge for tryouts next year.

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  8. Ugh, that is awful. Tryouts are excruciating here and they make the kids a wreck even if they are a known entity. Sounds like she was the victim of a young coach. Tough though, Erin

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  9. Aww, your poor girl! I just have to say I wish my mom was like you and would take me out shopping for retail therapy! Holla!

    That really sucks! I hope she can be in better spirits soon!

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  10. First of all, I would make an appointment with the coach and find out why he/she posted the roster before your daughter finished with the tryouts when he/she said it would be fine and could finish trying out on that day. If it wash't fine he/she should have been up front with you. If that didn't solve the issue, then I would make an appointment with the school's athletic director and explain the situation. If that didn't help, then I would speak to the high school principal. If that didn't solve the issue, I would speak to the school superintendent. And if that didn't solve the issue, I would get on the agenda of the next school board meeting. It may not solve anything, but then you've went through all the proper channels, and the coach has had to answer to numerous folks about him/her not being upfront with parents. Then, just for giggles, I would send the coach your daughter's weekly stats, and any newspaper clippings from you daughter's club team. If the coach isn't the kind of person who stands by his word, he probably won't be there next year anyway.

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