Friday, September 7, 2012

...and Then She Felt Me Up


Every morning, I wake up and have a good sense of how my day will be. Get up, get dressed, make coffee, drive to school, come home, blog, do some house chores and errands, pick up kids, homework, dinner, blog, lights out. Next day... REPEAT.

However, every now and then, even while doing the most mundane and repetitive of chores or errands, life throws you a wrench. That just happened to me, and I feel as if I've just walked into a different dimension... a parallel universe, if you will. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. 

For ten years, Doc H and I have been utilizing the same dry cleaner. Kim, and her husband, Sam, are a married Korean couple. They know us, they know our clothes. They are sweet, hard-working people, who speak very little, very broken English. But she loves to talk to me and I always do my best to understand her. I always repeat back what she says to let her know I've understood her. I think she likes that, because she always smiles and nods her head as I repeat back what she's said.

I walked in her store front to be greeted with a broken "Allo, Meh Smi(th). Ow ah you?" Our conversation is exactly them same every time I see her.

"Ow Daw-ta Smi(th)?"

"He's good, Kim."

"Ohhhhh... e bee-zee daw-ta."

"Yes, yes, he is busy."

"Mmmm... pee-po seek. A-way pee-po seek. Noh goo fo dem."

"You're right, it's not good to be sick."

"Ohhhhhh... Daw-ta Smi, e bar-ree bee-zee ma."

"Yes, he's very busy."

"Ohhhhhh... e ty-yah ma"

"Yes, he's tired quite a bit. You're right."

As per our usual, it is at this point I pay and she carries the laundry out to my car and hangs it up. Really, I don't know why she does this except to say that she is very nice. I always tell her I'll get it, but she refuses to let me carry it. 

I unlocked the car, opened the door and the clothes were hung. And, here, is where life skidded a bit, went off the tracks, and I found myself in alternate universe.

"Ohhhhh... Meh Smi! You lew skee-nee! You lewz... you lewz.. ma-nee... ma-nee...

"No, I just lost a few pounds, Kim."

"Ohhh.... noooooooo."

And that's when it happened. She walked over, busted through my personal space barrier, and laid one hand on my stomach and the other on the small of my back. She ran her hands up and down my torso as if she was fluffing up a pillow. She "fluffed" me from my navel to the underside of my cups. 

I felt my boobs shift around a bit in their respective hammocks. Beside Doc H, my Ob/Gyn, and the lady who administered my mammogram, Kim is the only person to touch the ladies in EONS. I was frozen, no movements could be made, no words could be formed. Finally, Kim said...

"Ohhhhh... you goo.. you bar-ree goo!!! O-kay, see you ness ta!" She smiled and waved at me as I walked around to open my car door.

Dazed and stunned, I just answered back, "Yes, see you next time."

I plopped in my seat, dazed and bewildered. WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?! DID SHE REALLY JUST FEEL ME UP?

Yes. I believe she did. I believe she felt me up.

And you know what? She did a pretty good job at it.





Link up here this weekend...
At Home Take 2

30 comments:

  1. You are just getting better and better! I'm sitting here thinking I need to get out more, or buy clothes that require dry cleaning, just to have people to interact with:-) Have a great weekend!

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    1. Can you believe it??? I was dazed and confused!! Enjoy your weekend, too!

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  2. I love your blog! Its different!New follower here!

    www.delabelle-k.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you! I look forward to reading more of yours! :)

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  3. It obviously wasn't her first time feeling up a customer :)

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    1. You think? I think someone who didn't know her might have called the police!

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  4. Well that was certainly an interesting twist of events in your dry cleaning routine! LOL. At least she was good at it ;)

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    1. How she had talent! The way she just snuck in there...

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  5. I'm with ames. Kim has experience in this area. I'm almost finished laughing but not quite!!!

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  6. Eastern medicine is quite different in their practices. *snicker* And I seriously sat here trying to talk exactly as you typed out how Kim sounds. Thank goodness the dog is deaf and I am alone!

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    1. You could VLOG the re-enactment! Oh, her English is so-SO bad!!

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  7. Lol!!! That was awesome! Well, the personal space invasion may not have been completely awesome, but the story was awesome. Ha ha!

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  8. That would totally freak me out! We had a similar relationship with our cleaner Jane in CA. She never did that so it's not a cultural thing...

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  9. Um, hmmm... That's, um, a little strange. But hey, it makes for good blog fodder, right?

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  10. Wow, that's really kinda weird--I don't know what I would do in that situation. I've had people come up and touch my belly when I WASN'T pregnant--now THAT was embarrassing! Newest GFC follower from the blog hop. Would love it if you could visit my humorous blog site and follow back. Thanks for sharing!

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    1. Thank for the follow. Looking forward to exploring your blog!

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  11. Wow. Just Wow. Take it as a compliment? :)

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    1. I've decided I should take it as such. She does a really good job with our dry cleaning.

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  12. "shift around a bit in their respective hammocks", great metaphor :)

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  13. Too funny. Korean women are very pushy....I would know:) I practiced korean martial arts for a decade and my friend's mom was korean. she meant no harm and it's quite funny but I'm sure you feel a little violated too. Still laughing

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    1. I think I was too perplexed and caught off guard to feel violated. Now, I'm just feel bewildered.

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  14. I like your Post & Blog. I am following you in GFC from Blog hop. I hope your visit!

    Namaste!
    http://www.mamiholisticaygenial.com

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  15. Yes..they definitely LOVE their customers! I guess take it as a compliment?!

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  16. Haha oh, well meaning forward people. What can ya do?

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