Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Teen Parenting: The Beau Hunk Continues to Traumatize

I'll say this. . . teen parenting is not for the weak or weary.

While D1 gave me a run for my money for about a year during her prime teen years, D2 is going to be the death of me. Or more specifically, the Beau Hunk will be the death of me. At this rate, I'm afraid I'll find myself in form of ashes in an urn by next week.

If you are unfamiliar with the Beau Hunk saga, go ahead and click here. It's teen drama at it's very best.

If you remember the last break up, (that would be break up #17, if you're counting) came about just as the Beau Hunk departed for Boot Camp. Our hopes and dreams of this being the final break-up were quickly shattered. One letter a day from D2 and the loneliness, hardships, and stress of boot camp chipped the frost off the relationship and before we knew it, D2 was invited to Boot Camp Graduation.

Splendid.

He was home for a little over a week and we barely saw D2 during that time. Never once, did he come to the house to say hello to us.

Today, he continues his training back at the same base he completed Boot Camp. Apparently, he is given weekends off and has asked D2 to fly down for a weekend visit. He would purchase her ticket.

Let me remind you, she is 17 and he is 19.

We said, "NO!"

I have news for you.

We are AWFUL, MEAN parents.

So, I ask you. . . is there any circumstance that would deem such a trip as appropriate?

I think not.

The Beau Hunk continues to traumatize ME!

{Click here for the next Beau Hunk installment}


29 comments:

  1. I'm definitely on your side. I have an almost 22 year old daughter and at the age of yours, we'd have firmly issued a "NO" as well. We've spent many nights in the mean parents' dog house. Oh well! Fingers crossed that this wanes at some point...sounds like for everyone's sake.

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    1. Eventually, he'll be deployed for a year. I'm hoping she meets someone better at college :)

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  2. omg!!! there is NO FREAKING WAY!! good luck, my friend :) :)

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    1. Thanks! That's EXACTLY what I need... lot of luck!

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  3. As an adult in the medical profession, wanted you to know I think you did the right thing. As a young person, in a very similar situation to your daughter, let me tell you how hard it was for me to accept my parent’s point of view. I sent my parents through hell and back over a silly high school relationship that felt real to me at the time. We struggled through many years to even be cordial to one another. I'm so grateful they stuck by their morals and didn't give in to my demands. In the end it worked out and my parents and I have a wonderful relationship, but I think the only thing they lacked was a bit of understanding and compassion towards a relationship they didn't fully understand. Unhealthy relationships will fail on their own, just be there to stand by your daughter and support her no matter what.

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    1. That's exactly what's been going on. I'm so proud of Doc H for sticking to his guns and not letting her all her talking wear him down. ;)

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  4. I would definitely say not, if he can pay for a flight for her he can fly himself back home to see her!

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  5. He isn't even trying to earn point with the parents! Absolutely NO. Under no circumstances would it be alright for a 17 year old girl to fly to a graduation for her older boyfriend without supervision. It would be asking for trouble.

    He has missed so many opportunities to earn your trust and respect that I believe it is beyond his ability. Hopefully, soon, she will realize he is bad news for the long haul. Maybe it's time to start intercepting letters in the mail and burning them? Move? Change address and phone numbers?

    I hope your daughter finds a charming young man to get her mind off Beau Hunk while he training. Nothing like a nice guy to make a girl realize how bad that last one was.

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    1. I hope it happens soon. My hair is graying awfully quick.

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  6. I love your BeauHunk tales! At the age of 24 my parents would have strongly discouraged me flying out to a guy who is no good for me, at 17 they would have laughed at the idea. Cmon D2 find a nice sweet 17 year old!

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    1. A nice, lovely senior, with nice parents and some manners would be just what the doctor (and his wife) ordered!

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  7. Ugh. I fear she'll find a way to get there anyway. Hope she listens - she'll thank you later.

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    1. That's what we're thinking too... hopefully not. Time will tell. :/

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  8. I was in college, 21 years old, and my mom wouldn't let me drive a couple states away, 8 hours, to see my boyfriend who was stationed at Camp Lejeune, mostly because she was afraid I would get stolen by traveling alone. I was like... "I'm 21..I can do whatever I want." Of course I still didn't go.... momma gets what she wants. She would have definitely never let me go see an older guy when I was 17!!! I'm sure you made the right decision!

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    1. I know it was the right decision. I am just want her to move on to someone else. The sooner, the better in my book!

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  9. When I'm accused of being a mean and awful parent I just give them an evil grin and say" I stay up late at night thinking of ways to ruin your life" and I know as long as they occasionally think I'm mean and awful I'm doing something right.

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  10. Send a letter to his commanding officer and ask if the military approves of Soldiers paying the airfare for minors to come and visit, (I have two tweens, post like this scare the hell out of me)

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  11. I really feel for you. You did the right thing,..and she'll know that...maybe 10 years from now...but it will happen. We've all been there. Argh. Can't imagine the stress...don't even want to think about it!!! Good luck!

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    1. The the kiddos are driving you nuts, just think to yourself... "I could be dealing with the Beau Hunk". That should make you feel better. ;)

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  12. You are the best mother a girl could ask for. I had a terrible high school relationship with a douche. He was 2 yrs older than me so when we started dating at 15/17 my parents were less than pleased. My Dad caught us making out in his study (all clothes were on) and he didn't kick the guy out. If my husband were to catch some boy necking his daughter in his house in his study you bet your ass that boy would have marks on the back of his neck from my husband's paws and then some. I know it's different with a blended family but let me say it's time to REALLY put your foot down. If I were you I would intercept letters. I would have stepdad (he seems to be more involved than biological dad) have a chat with Mr. Beau Hunk If you have to pay him off....do it. You think I'm joking but I'm not. My SIL got involved with a loser. She was 21 when he offered to fly her to FL (from AL) to spend New Year's with his family. Didn't ask her dad (her dad was footing her lifestyle bill in town paying her college, rent etc). She went to FL without father's blessing. A few months later turns out THAT beau hunk was bunking in HER place for free and a few months after THAT she got pregnant! Yes, she was not 17 but I tell you what....if it were my daughter I don't care how old or young she is/was I don't want my daughter tied to any loser at any age for whatever reason. Girls will be girls but moms and dadda's need to be hardasses. That is my stance and I'm sticking to it. My daughter will inevitably hate me at some point in her life. I'm okay with it. I hated my mom until I found my DrH who by the way is one of the most amazing men I know, unlike my own father...Bless your heart. I will pray for you. Seriously, girls can be a big handful. Just remember your daughter is going through a "phase". With proper guidance this will only be a phase...my SIL is now married to her baby daddy and baby daddy is the BIGGEST loser known to man. My FIL finds him jobs and pays their rent and I seriously don't know if they will EVER be solvent enough to care for themselves or their kid (hopefully they stop at one). Final note: get her into counseling if she isn't already. She needs to "talk it out" with a third party who isn't "against" her. She needs to answer questions like: what is it about this guy that is so amazing, wonderful, etc? Is she trying to save him? Is it just a typical high school unhealthy co-dependent relationship? What makes her think this type of existence is the way to go? Does she have any dreams or aspirations of her own outside of an immediate life with Beau Hunk? Try to get her to see five years down the road. Any man who doesn't feel it necessary to endear himself to the parents is a LOSER. especially one without manners. (I've read your previous posts). And sorry if I sound like a snob but not everyone is good "enough" for our darling daughters. 'Nuf said.

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    1. Oh, my that is quite an ordeal! I know eventually karma will strike. She's probably destined to have 4 girls all like her. I just hope it's with someone more like her father, Doc H and not the Beau Hunk!

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  13. Two reactions:
    1) I thought Beau Hunk was ancient history.
    2) This reminds me of Lydia Bennett beginning to go to the camp so she can chase officers. Albeit, I don't think D2 is thinking about officers plural, but still.

    Maybe they can skype or talk on the phone? Maybe they can each go to see the same movie in their respective states and then talk on the phone.

    I agree with the other commenters that you should stand your ground and not allow her to fly out to see said bf. However, I also feel that you should do something to help her know that you love her and you realize that this relationship is important to her even if you don't approve of it. That way, you don't come out as the villain for doing the right thing!

    Abigail

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    1. We all thought he was history, too! After 6 weeks in boot camp, he crept back into our lives. And the letters started going back and forth.

      We feel we have given her plenty of support. We told her he could come here and visit her instead of her flying out to see him. It would save him money. He wouldn't have to pay for a hotel for her.

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    2. Aha. Him visiting her? What a concept.

      Sounds like you're being awesome parents. I wish we appreciated that more as kids.

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  14. My 21 yo sister dropped the ball on my parents last year that she was dating a guy who dropped out of HS, finished HS, then dropped out of college and was now working to...I don't know what. He also was as respectful of parents and other people as Beau Hunk seems to be. She said this on Dad's birthday at dinner, in a public place.

    While Dad was choking on his cake, I was gaping at my sister in pure shock.

    Sister: "So, we're dating now...I'll bring him over"
    Mom: "You WERE dating. You're not anymore"
    Sister: "You can't do that!"
    Mom: "Break up with him now, or I will"

    We never heard from this guy again.

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    1. WOW! You're mom must have super powers! She just told her to break up and that was it? I need powers like that.

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  15. Wow. The things I have to look forward to... And if karma is any indication I'm screwed. Congrats on being mean parents, that's awesome!

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