As parents, we realize your urge to become independent. Unfortunately, simply throwing thirty bucks on the breakfast table as you run out to school and yelling "THAT'S FOR MY DATA PLAN" doesn't make one independent.
As our founding forefathers realized, independence comes at a price. Simply turning eighteen, does not constitute one as independent, nor does it allow one the freedom to do as one pleases. Only complete independence, allows a person the joy of freedom to decide for one's self.
Allow me the joy of outlining the cost of a teen's independence and freedom, will you?
You'll need a roof over your head. I'm guessing you won't want to pay our rent, so you'll have to move out. If you're lucky you'll be able to find a studio for $800 a month around these parts. You'll need a deposit of $1600 and a reference letter from your previous landlord. Don't look at us.
You'll need to purchase your car from us. Don't worry, we'll give you a sweet deal on that cute little, hand-me-down BMW. $4,000. Unfortunately, your credit worthiness with us is in the crapper. The car payment is now due. . . in full. Again. . . don't look at us.
By law, you need insurance to drive that cute little car. $150 per month
To make that cute car run, you need gas. $240 per month
Don't forget to take care of yourself; medical and dental insurance: $160 per month
Your must have accessory; cell phone: $90 per month
You'll probably get hungry: $450 per month.
You may want to cut out your private SAT tutoring; $400 per month, as well as your private coaching at $160 per month.
So far, you're looking at a $5,600 start up cost and a monthly cost of $1,890 per month for your independence. That doesn't include any money for fun, extracurriculars, makeup, skincare products, haircuts, eyebrow waxings, 7 for All Mankind jeans, or even tampons for that matter.
Oh, and don't forget to budget some money for that wonderfully expensive, first choice college you have in mind.
If you can swing all that. . . WOW! Your parents did an AWESOME job with you! Congratulations!
If not, you better adjust the attitude, tuck that tail between your a@@, apologize, and head upstairs and hit the books.
Dinner will be ready at 6:30, and remember, no texting at the dinner table.
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