The Dichotomy of StepMotherhood

Let's lay it out on the line... stepmothering is hard, unappreciated work.

The term, itself presents the basic dichotomy. Because, yes, we stepmothers are expected to and do "mother". We nurture, protect, and care for our children. We cook, clean, launder, tutor, chauffeur, nurse, and council and fund our children, just as we do with our biological children. There is no difference until the "step" comes into play.

The denotation of "step"? A measured distance of the foot. The distance can be right, left, up, or down. When you couple step with mother, I assure you the step is not up. When the caged teen monkeys start tossing the proverbial fecal matter at the fan, all the mothering we have provided, is quickly forgotten.

We are reminded {as if we could ever forget} we are not their mother.

At that moment you realize, every holiday, every meal, every trip to the mall, every argument you had with their father in defense of your stepchild, every drive, every vacation, every time you helped nurse an illness, applied a band aid, braided their hair, helped apply make-up, or emotionally counseled meant more to you than them.

Just like the moles at the arcade, you feel whacked upside the head.

The realization hits you... they will never fully understand and appreciate you as a stepmother, unless they become a stepparent themselves.

And yet, because you do love them, you pray they will never have the opportunity to appreciate you.