Thursday, December 26, 2013

ho. ho. ho. woo. hoo.

Did you all enjoy your holiday? Mine started a little sluggish...

If you follow me on Facebook, you know I, begrudgingly, attended Doc H's Christmas party.

woo.

hoo.

After the last minute rush to get ready, which included shaving my *DRY* legs (talk about the subconscious mind working against you!), stuffing myself into my Spanx (and forgetting to pee BEFORE I put them on), putting on more makeup than usual (only to wipe it off, to keep from looking too ho-Ho-Ho-ish), and wrestling with myself to buckle the tiniest little buckles on the straps of my 2011 season Bagley Mischka 4 inch platform sandals (note to self: shoes before pencil skirt), Doc H and I found ourselves sitting in the car listening to Christmas carols trying to get into the spirit of the season.

I made a mental note to make sure Doc H takes our pre-med daughter as his plus one to next year's party. She would benefit and enjoy immersing herself into the hospital culture.

As we drove, I found myself leaning against my car door with my head melding against the window. I'm sure passerbys thought I was quite a sorry sap. My gaze dropped down to my shoes, and I realized I had to focus on the positives.

I am fortunate to be living my life. Doc H's job provides us a very nice life. Unlike many others, we have a roof over our head, organic foods in our belly, our bills are paid, our children are receiving wonderful educations, and despite a few aches and pains, Doc H and I still dress up pretty good and, moreover, we and our extended family are enjoying good health.

So, I strapped on my Doctor Wife armor, and soldiered on through the party. I smiled, shook hands, spoke to colleagues I really didn't care to talk to. I spoke to newly minted Doctors' Second Wives. I buffered them from the loyal friends of the First Wives. I made small talk. When asked, I doled out updates of the kids. And, when other Doc Wives rolled their eyes and asked, "How are YOU doing", I fought the urge to unroll my bitch list, and pulled out some of our classic, and funny, family holiday stories.

It made them laugh. It made me laugh. And, on the ride home, I realized I felt better.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

You Know You're a Surgeon's Wife When... {Vol. 8}

You know you're a surgeon's wife when
you come home late from volunteering at 
your kid's school fundraiser, 
only to find a school project drawn with a surgical skin marker.





Click here to see previous volumes of

Friday, December 13, 2013

Dear Santa,

Dear Santa,

I have been a pretty good lady, wife, and mother this year. While our bank account could be doing better (thanks to our lovely contractor who's apparently mistaken us for you and the lovely Mrs. Claus), I wouldn't go through the trouble of asking the elves to stitch together a pair of designer jeans for me or go mining for any precious gemstones this year. My wardrobe is pretty well-rounded at the moment and my jewelry box is full enough (for now-- let's revisit this again next year, because I am a girl who likes to shine!).

Instead, I'm hoping you could gift me the following:

The gift of sleep. I'm tired of being chronically tired. This gift would include eliminating Doc H's habit of snoring during deep sleep, re-training my dog to sleep anywhere else, but the master bedroom, the enlargment of both my bladder and Doc H's bladder, and of course, throwing the pager under the tire of an oncoming UPS truck. You know what? Nix the that last pager request. I'll like to take care of that myself.

The gift of high school acceptance. Our youngest son is applying to college preparatory high schools. We have done our part. He is studying hard for the entrance exam and has been diligent with his tutoring. Acceptance would be a great gift.

Extraordinary SAT scores. Our high school junior will begin her college application process this January with an SAT prep class, and SATs in March. If you could guarantee me some fantastic scores, I could relax a bit. I'm sure that would be as much a gift to her, as me.

A's. I'm not talking the baseball team (although perhaps I should rethink this-- no, no.  I'll stay on track). I'm talking grades. For all our kids. We have a fair share of them, but more would be great. Then my frustration could subside.

Health. Our family is currently pretty healthy. We have one daughter who could use some help with her knees, but other than that, I would appreciate if we could keep the status quo around here. That includes our children, ourselves, our parents, siblings and their respective families.

A continued sense of humor. I don't think I could survive motherhood or second wife-hood without it. I need to be able to laugh at the daily absurdity.

A continued sense of compassion for patients. Because of this life of medicine, I need it. Without it, I would most like rip into Doc H every night. That would slowly eat away at the life we've built.

Continued love and warmth of our home. What can I say? I love my husband, I love our family, I love our life.

That's it, Santa. That's all I want. Am I asking too much? Looking back over my list, I realize a pair of earrings might be simpler.

Kind regards to you, Mrs. Claus, the elves, and Rudolph,



Wednesday, December 11, 2013

I Have 12 Days Til Christmas

As of yesterday afternoon, my in-laws have left my home. My Thanksgiving holiday has officially come to a close.

What does that mean?

I have exactly 12 days to pull Christmas together.

*GULP*

That’s right. If you were to pull up to my home at this very second, you would find...

I have NO Christmas lights strung outside.
I have NO Christmas wreaths hanging on my doors.
I have NO Christmas trees up, nor decorated.
I have NO Christmas presents waiting to be wrapped.
I have NO Christmas cards on order.
I have NO stockings hung.
I have NO gingerbread house.
I have NO baked goods, nor do I have any dough waiting in the freezer.

I have NOTHING to wear to this weekend’s hospital holiday party.
I have NOTHING for any of the four gift exchanges I find myself signed up for.
I have NOTHING for any of the coaches.
I have NOTHING...
I have NOTHING...
I HAVE NOTHING...

I HAVE NOTHING, BUT ANXIETY.

Excuse me, please. I must go to the mall. STAT!


Monday, December 2, 2013

Medical Monday {December, Vol. 2}

Oh, my friends!

I am still recovering from Thanksgiving! You, too?

I love every single item on the Thanksgiving menu, but after three days of leftovers, I can turkey no more.

Like every Thanksgiving since my mother's cancer diagnosis (she's 8 years cured, thank God!), I hosted the holiday. I brined, roasted, baked, whisked, cooked, cooked, cooked, and cooked. Then, I cooked some more. I cleaned, ironed, decorated, and smiled while doing it all for my in-laws enjoyment. I love my in-laws, but, thanks to a terrible bought of insomnia, I was beyond tired.

This Thanksgiving Doc H was "off". Yet, he sat at his computer for three hours to return study results to patients. I hope his patients realize he was "OFF" and realize the email was sent on a holiday. I hope they fully appreciate his dedication. I hope they send a bottle of wine and label it, "TO: DOC H'S WIFE". That would be the bomb, and THAT would be appreciated!

You all know what day it is, so let's start the party!!

Medical Monday Link-Up and BlogHop


Are you confused if you qualify for the party?


If you have a pager interrupting your life... you DEFINITELY qualify!
Do you work in healthcare?
Doctor? Nurse? EMT? Chiropractor? Vet? Dentist? Therapist?
MA? NA? PA? DA?
Are you the spouse or SO of a healthcare worker/student?
Are you a nursing student? Medical student?
Intern? Resident? Fellow?

You get the picture, right? Come on, now... don't be shy! Let's keep growing and meeting new bloggers, so we can build a community of support and friendship, learn from one another, and share our stories.

LINK UP YOUR POST!

Here are the rules:
  1. Follow your co-hosts via Bloglovin, GFC (if you are Blogger), FB, email or Twitter.
  2. Link up you medical/med life blog. If your blog name does not clearly state how you fit in to the med/med life world, please write a little intro or link up a specific post which clearly demonstrates your connection.
  3. Visit at least 3 other link ups, comment, introduce yourself, and tell the your stopping by or following from MM!
  4. Help spread the word by using our button on your post or sidebar, tweet about Medical Monday, or spread the word on Facebook! The more the merrier for all of us.
Complete step one by following your co-hosts:
Want to be awesome? Help us spread the word by grabbing and posting the Medical Monday button on your post or sidebar...



Want to co-host next month? Shoot Emma an email at yourdoctorswife@gmail.com and be sure to write "Medical Monday Co-host Request" in the subject field.

Now, link up below and have fun! The link up is open through Friday, so be sure to come back during the week to check some great reads!

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Gearing up for Medical Monday!

It's Sunday, December 1.

You know what that means, right?

Tonight at midnight the Medical Monday grid opens for your submissions! Join Jane and myself, by linking up your post for others to enjoy. We want to hear what you've been up to!

See you on the grid!

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Married Texting

What can I say? 
I love Doc H's humor and our banter.

What would a marriage be 
without humor and banter?

Yesterday, Doc H texted me a photo of our contractor, Midas.
Apparently, everything he touches turns to gold
and then he bills us for his miracles-
each and every hour.
If you can't make out the picture, 
consider yourself spared.
It's just a whole lot of coin slottage going on...





So, the man has a point.






Monday, November 18, 2013

Dear Residents,

Dear Residents,

I understand my husband is your Attending. I understand your wanting and need to impress upon him your diligence, your competence, your outstanding ability to care for his patients when he is out of hospital. I get it. Really. I do.

However, if you are about to hit "SEND" on a text that begins with "FYI-", please take pause to consider the day and take a glance at a clock.

You see, dear Resident, your attending sleeps with his phone right by his bed. In turn, that means I sleep with his phone. I'm sure you get the picture, right?

FYIs at dark-thirty in the morning are not received well. Emergent issues are that, and are dealt with at anytime, but FYIs? Not really.

So, I propose the following:

Compost the text.
Set an alarm on your phone for a decent hour, considering it is the weekend and your attending IS NOT on-call (say 9am, for instance).
When the alarm chimes, hit "SEND".

I assure you, your attending will appreciate it.

Your Attending's Wife will appreciate it even more.




Thursday, November 14, 2013

Feeling the Pinch

Last night, I sat in a dark car with our fourteen year old son for over an hour. We sat and waited and waited for over an hour in the hospital parking lot while the smell of the Chinese food in the back seat took over the car. We waited. I knew exactly what was going on. We were feeling the pinch.

We were there to cater dinner to a group of physician's for an after hour meeting. Doc H confirmed the dinner order with me earlier in the afternoon, he mentioned he was heading into the OR. Five hours later, we were there with the food and Doc H was still in the OR.

I texted.
I called his cell.
I called his office.
I emailed one of the other doctors.
I PAGED.

Zilch.

I know there's an OR nurse who's responsible to return his pages. I KNOW this.

My phone never rang.

And you know why?

They're feeling the pinch. Everyone is overworked. Every department is understaffed. The baby boomers are booming, and even out here, in the parking lot, we're feeling the pinch.

And, I'm afraid it's going to get much worse before it gets any better.




Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Cars Need Oil

Do you remember my recent encounter (well, okay it was a few months ago, but it still feels like yesterday) with a flat tire?

Apparently, just like deaths, flat tires come in threes.  Yes, since that flat tire, I had two others (on different cars) to contend with. Additionally, the spare tire wench on my '97 minivan gave out and I had to deal with fact I was dragging my spare tire behind me on the highway. I was an hour and twenty minutes into a four hour road trip. By myself. Okay, that is a bit of a lie. Our hyper-active pooch was with me. 

So, it should have come to no surprise to me, when over two hundred miles from home my check engine warning light illuminated my dashboard as Doc H and I drove to experience a newly opened bar.

In a huff, we pulled over. It was now dusk, and darkness was just a short arm away. 

I told Doc H it could be low oil. In the driver's seat of my car, and unfamiliar with the dash layout, he spent time fidgeting with the bells and whistles of the car trying to find an oil level indicator. 

I explained the hoity-toity car lacked an oil indicator. It has a coochie warmer and a coochie cooler, but no oil indicator. The check engine light was the oil indicator. It's amazing what money doesn't buy you.

Frustrated with the situation, I busted out my passenger side door, walked around to the the driver's side, where I opened Doc H's door and popped the hood. 

I grunted and huffed as I looked for my box of tissues. It was time to get my hands dirty and I knew it.

While my man flies high at the thought of getting his hands dirty with blood and guts, getting his hands dirty with engine grime does not appeal to him. At all.

Reluctantly, he followed me under the hood, where we checked the dipstick. 

Low oil. Effffff meeeeeeee.

The next morning, I was scheduled to head home by myself. Doc H would be hanging behind a few days to deal with contractors and the like. Truth be told, he had to pay them and I couldn't stomach the thought of being around when that gi-normous check changed hands. I was fleeing in an effort to protect myself from making a ugly disgrace of myself.

That morning was like any other car emergency I've dealt with recenty. I kissed Doc H goodbye, and headed to the nearest auto store...alone. There I called my fancy car dealership, explained the scenario and asked what oil I should purchase. 

I must admit, I felt like I was wearing body armor as I walked into that auto store. The salesmen jumped all over me, which screamed... Oh, here's a good one! This broad doesn't know what she's doing!

I told him I needed oil, "Castrol synthetic blend, please... and a funnel. please." 

"What oil weight?" 

Okay. So, he had me there. Thank God for the internet.

I know they were looking outside their window as I popped my hood just outside their front door. I admit it took me a second to locate the oil cap, but I attribute that to my insistence that I do not need reading glasses. But, really, why must there be so many caps on an engine? It all seems so unnecessary. 

After locating the oil cap, inserting the funnel, and successfully pouring a can of oil into the car without making a livid mess, I hoped I made a further impression on my peeping toms by whipping out my Mama gear... water bottle, clean rag, and wipes to clean all the engine grim of myself.

As I cleaned up, I smiled to myself and gave myself proverbial pat on the back, thinking... You've come a long way, Baby. Last time you ventured to do this you had your high school boyfriend on the ground laughing as he watched you struggle to pour the oil down the dipstick hole. Who's laughing now?

Boo-yah!

Monday, November 4, 2013

Medical Monday {November, Volume 2}

Nothing like hosting a group of surgeons at your home for a dinner meeting. That's what I did this past weekend. 

When Doc H first mentioned it, I froze in terror at the thought of having to cook for the group. I love to cook and seem to have a bit of a knack for it, but it was the "what should I cook" that terrified me. How does one please a group when you are completely unaware of their dietary needs? Vegetarian? Vegan? Diabetic? Paleo? Allergies? The thought made me sweat.

Then my Doc H said, "Don't worry, we'll have it catered." And I kid you not, a halo burst into a flaming glaze of glory around his head and I heard fellow angels harmonize behind him. I not sure if I've ever felt such a sense of relief in my life.

So, we catered, we cleaned the house, and I, the kids, and the dog, evacuated the house. We didn't feel the need to be subjected to blood and guts talk all night long.

But, you know what we do want to be subjected to??? 

YOUR MEDICAL MONDAY POSTS!



Are you confused if you qualify for the party?


If you have a pager interrupting your life... you DEFINITELY qualify!
Do you work in healthcare?
Doctor? Nurse? EMT? Chiropractor? Vet? Dentist? Therapist?
MA? NA? PA? DA?
Are you the spouse or SO of a healthcare worker/student?
Are you a nursing student? Medical student?
Intern? Resident? Fellow?

You get the picture, right? Come on, now... don't be shy! Let's keep growing and meeting new bloggers, so we can build a community of support and friendship, learn from one another, and share our stories.

LINK UP YOUR POST!

Here are the rules:
  1. Follow your co-hosts via Bloglovin, GFC (if you are Blogger), FB, email or Twitter.
  2. Link up you medical/med life blog. If your blog name does not clearly state how you fit in to the med/med life world, please write a little intro or link up a specific post which clearly demonstrates your connection.
  3. Visit at least 3 other link ups, comment, introduce yourself, and tell the your stopping by or following from MM!
  4. Help spread the word by using our button on your post or sidebar, tweet about Medical Monday, or spread the word on Facebook! The more the merrier for all of us.
Complete step one by following your co-hosts:
Want to be awesome?
Post our button on you post or sidebar and help spread the word:



Want to co-host next month? Shoot Emma an email at yourdoctorswife@gmail.com and be sure to write "Medical Monday Co-host Request" in the subject field.

Now, link up below and have fun! The link up is open through Friday, so be sure to come back during the week to check some great reads!

Friday, November 1, 2013

Halloween Festivities

Halloween has always been a busy day around our house.

It just happens October 31 marks many things to celebrate in our household, so Doc H does his best to take October 31 off every year. Some years it works, and some years it doesn't. That's just the name of the game when you're living with medicine.

This year, we were successful!

So, while all the kids are in school, we celebrate!

Even before noon, we were like this...
When I showed this pic to Doc H, I asked,
"What do our drinks say about our personalities?"

So shortly after noon,
I was like this...
Doc H asked me to wear this.
I believe it was the wine.

And then the some of the kids came home from school for just a quick second, only to scatter to various Halloween festivities, because that's just what teens/young adults do. Who want to spend Halloween with their old fogies... right?

But some teens needed rides, so I morphed into...
Yes, that is my forehead.

...my best Harry Potter, and we rode my Nimbus 2000 into the Halloween traffic.

Finally, after teen drop-offs, Doc H and I arrived to our own Halloween party where we hung out with the likes of a Princess Witch, a Monkey, a Scarecrow, a Medicinal Marijuana Hippie.  Personally, I found myself following Dr. Indiana Jones around the party all night long. He is one cute BABE!





Tuesday, October 29, 2013

First Comes Halloween, Then Comes Medical Monday!


My favorite Monday is just around the corner...

Medical Monday!

We're all looking forward to getting our fix or anecdotes, stories, triumphs, failures, hospital non-sense, and posts filled with words no one except someone living a med life can pronounce. Let us know what's going on in your world!

Get your posts ready over the weekend for the link up which goes live at 12am Monday morning, Eastern time.

Halloween is just a few days away and the cool Fall weather is falling all around us. Cozy up to your computer with a hot cup of coffee and join us on Monday and throughout the remainder of the week.

Can't wait to see you on the grid!

Monday, October 28, 2013

Support

Support.

It's a weighty word, isn't it?

via www.freedictionary.com
sup·port (s-pôrt, -prt) tr.v. sup·port·ed, sup·port·ing, sup·ports
1. To bear the weight of, especially from below.
2. To hold in position so as to keep from falling, sinking, or slipping.
3. To be capable of bearing; withstand: "His flaw'd heart . . . too weak the conflict to support" (Shakespeare).
4. To keep from weakening or failing; strengthen: The letter supported him in his grief.
5. To provide for or maintain, by supplying with money or necessities.
6. To furnish corroborating evidence for: New facts supported her story.
7. a. To aid the cause, policy, or interests of: supported her in her election campaign. b. To argue in favor of; advocate: supported lower taxes.
8. To endure; tolerate: "At supper there was such a conflux of company that I could scarcely support the tumult" (Samuel Johnson).
9. To act in a secondary or subordinate role to (a leading performer).
n.
1. a. The act of supporting. b. The state of being supported.
2. One that supports.
3. Maintenance, as of a family, with the necessities of life.

Doc H does all of this for our family each and every day.

Each time he comes home with dark circles under his eyes, a grimace on his face, a hitch in his back from the heavy lead vest he must sometime wear for hours at a time, or a headache from the stress of the day, it kills my insides.

At times, especially since I quit working, I feel like a leach. Doc H must support EVERYONE, even me now, and watching him struggle against the daily medical clinical and administrative grind numbs the soul. His and mine.

He supports an incredibly heavy load.

So, I try my best do everything I can to alleviate any stressors at home. I make sure the kids have everything they need from food to how to write a strong academic paper. I try to cook meals he'll enjoy. I'll try to throw in a funny story here and there, or crack a stupid joke in an effort to make him smile or laugh. And, yes, every now and then, even though I'd prefer a date with the Sandman, I rally - throwing my heels to sky. All this in an effort to make our home a warm cocoon far from the hospital chaos, to provide a small slice of the day more comforting than the rest of his day.

My effort is a conscious one, each and every day. And truthfully? Some days are easier than others.

Lucky for me, thanks to an early morning phone call from Doc H, today has fallen into the "easier" category.

Normally, I won't hear from Doc H at all during the course of the day. He is simply too busy. I've come to understand and accept he is too busy for a "How's your day going" phone call. That type of phone call is so far removed from my life, I've come to consider it romantic.

This morning, I received a phone call which fell into the "I need some support" category. I listened to him vent, and responded with an honest evaluation of the situation. I reminded him that he built that department, and he held the power to change the trajectory of the department if that was what he felt was necessary. I let the high school cheerleader in me come out.

He talked. I listened. And, far from our norm, I supported him...

...and it felt GREAT.






Thursday, October 24, 2013

Where is She?

Where have I been? 

I have been deciphering acronyms.

At first, they started off easy:
NIH
SBIR
STTR
PHS
FDA
R&R
R&D

And then they became a little more of a head scratcher:
FOA
AHRQ
SFLL
F&A
SBC
CFR
SBA
IC
RFA
CSR
eRA
DRR
SRG
PD
PI
IND
CDER
CBER
CDRH
IMPAV
OMB
SO
PA
RFA
CFDA

Then, to make sure they've got me on my toes, they throw numbers in there:
SF424
PHS398
FAR 6.302-5
10 U.S.C.2304(b)(2)
41 U.S.C.253(b)(2)
13 CFR 121.3
13 CFR 121.106
U.S.C.288
... the list goes on and on.

...and those are just the first 25 pages of a 250 page document. 

Of course, that's not the only document I've got on bedside. There's even more.

My life is so exciting.






Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Brain Power: The Doctor vs Your Doctor's Wife

On our way to enjoy a quick, seldom, solo date night, Doc H and I had a brief but interesting conversation. We both acknowledged we use our brain power differently.

We decided Doc H utilizes all his brain power at the hospital. His mind focuses on medicine, surgical practices, his patients, and their families. Outside the hospital, his mind focuses on our start-up, the technology, the appointments he has to promote, market, and ultimately sell the technology. Outside the  start-up? Well, what can I say? The man looks great on my arm.

Me? Off the top of my head I can tell you this happens:
D3 drop-off at 7:00am
LB drop off at 7:45am
D2 has practice at 6:45am
D1 classes start at 8:30am
D1 will come by for lunch
D2 will head to class at 10am
12:30 pick up for LB
1pm conference call for start-up
2:30 pick up for D3
Parent teacher conference at 3:10pm
dance class 4:00pm
polo practice at 5:00pm,
race back for pick up at from dance at 5:15pm
race back and pick up from polo.
Around 6pm all hungry family members with no money for food will converge around my dinner table.
Around 9pm, those same family member will scour my pantry for breakfast items to take back to their rental.
Somewhere in between, I remember to shop, cook, clean, launder, pay bills, prepare taxes, work the start-up, blog, write my freelance gigs, feed the dog, take out the trash, and yell at the kids to wash their own blazin' dishes!

That's just today. Other days, add in SAT prep classes, various tutoring programs, games, tournaments, school events, open houses, birthday parties, vacation schedules, custody schedules, dances, volunteer job schedule, school volunteer hour sign-ups, etc.. etc..

I can tell you all those specifics off the top of my head.

... And nothing else.

So, we each ordered a margarita and decided to call it even.




Monday, October 14, 2013

Money Laundering

Apparently, I've taken to money laundering...


I'm not sure who's pockets these bills fell from, 
perhaps it's a combination, but I'm taking it.

It's about time I get paid around here!

What's your money laundering rules? 
Do you return it, or keep it?

Friday, October 11, 2013

Flames, Fleas, and... Screws

Our vacation days there were jam packed with back breaking work and a series of the most unfortunate events, the most serious being the house almost burnt to the ground.

Here's my tip for you... If you ever smell dead fish in the house go around and check all your outlets. Touch them to see if they are hot. After hours of thinking a bird dropped a fish carcass on the roof, we finally saw smoke shooting out one of our outlets in the entry way. Thank God we were there!

Late yesterday, an electrician came and remedied the situation. We have asked contractor to walk the interior of the house to make sure there are no funny smells in the house after each work day. We are just praying the house is still there upon our return the beginning of November.

Additionally, Doc H has been under assault. It either came from our pooch or one of the baby Bambis who have made our property their home. Yes, Doc H has been attacked by a flea. His allergic reaction to flea bites have left him quite surely, and who can blame him? It's widespread inflammation and not pretty.

However, it's nice to know he still has his humor somewhat intact. After a day of installing our new deck, he came inside to make sure I understood the difficulty of his day.

"Just be glad you weren't out there bending over with you butt up in the air all day screwing!"...We locked eyes and heard crickets... "And, I don't mean the good way!"

I love my husband! That man can make me laugh!

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

A Cut in Pay

Doc H pitched this week to me as an opportunity for some "us" time.  He had scheduled time off from the hospital and it would be his way of making up for my ruined summer vacation.

The plan was relatively simple. Drive out to our vacation home. Check on the contractor, the renovations, answer any questions he may have and enjoy the remainder of the time to reconnect.

We arrived on Saturday. Sunday we went for a walk and Doc H caught up on much needed sleep and we had a nice dinner.  All was semi-good in my world.

Monday morning rolled around and our contractor showed up with his crew... a bunch of senior citizens. No wonder this job is taking forever. 

In an effort to speed up the job and cut into the $55 per hour man labor rates we're paying, Doc H decided to put himself to work. For the last two days, he has been working some hard manual labor at a huge cut in pay. 

He plans to work until we leave for home. As usual, I find myself having some alone time.

At least we're eating dinner together. Now, that's something.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Medical Monday {October, Volume 2}

Well, my friends, while another month has zinged right past us and we are staring Halloween right in the face, I am so happy it's the first Monday of the month! 

Medical Monday has proven to be the highlight of the month. While I do my best to visit you all as soon as you link up a new post, I love being able to catch up with you on Medical Monday!

Around our place, stuff has been rolling forward rather quickly. Our start-up company is keeping me busy. We have a working prototype, and Doc H is utilizing his network to secure cadaver parts for further R&D work. 

Meanwhile, I am hard at work building our company website, content writing, creating our marketing materials and collateral, and maintaining and organizing our corporate paperwork. Oh, yes, and let's not forget managing the home!

Like I said... we're busy, but NEVER too busy for Medical Monday!



Are you confused if you qualify for the party?


If you have a pager interrupting your life... you DEFINITELY qualify!
Do you work in healthcare?
Doctor? Nurse? EMT? Chiropractor? Vet? Dentist? Therapist?
MA? NA? PA? DA?
Are you the spouse or SO of a healthcare worker/student?
Are you a nursing student? Medical student?
Intern? Resident? Fellow?

You get the picture, right? Come on, now... don't be shy! Let's keep growing and meeting new bloggers, so we can build a community of support and friendship, learn from one another, and share our stories.

LINK UP YOUR POST!

Here are the rules:
  1. Follow your co-hosts via Bloglovin, GFC (if you are Blogger), FB, email or Twitter.
  2. Link up you medical/med life blog. If your blog name does not clearly state how you fit in to the med/med life world, please write a little intro or link up a specific post which clearly demonstrates your connection.
  3. Visit at least 3 other link ups, comment, introduce yourself, and tell the your stopping by or following from MM!
  4. Help spread the word by using our button on your post or sidebar, tweet about Medical Monday, or spread the word on Facebook! The more the merrier for all of us.
Complete step one by following your co-hosts:
Want to be awesome?
Post our button on you post or sidebar and help spread the word:



Want to co-host next month? Shoot Emma an email at yourdoctorswife@gmail.com and be sure to write "Medical Monday Co-host Request" in the subject field.

Now, link up below and have fun! The link up is open through Friday, so be sure to come back during the week to check some great reads!




Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Contracting Disasters

**Note to Reader: All caps in this post are not meant to stress the sentiment. I am, indeed, SCREAMING!!**

I am so grumpy. I am watching our nest egg - that money we made off of the start-up acquisition - go diminish. That was his supplemental retirement!!!

Let this serve as a Doc Wife PSA... DO NOT, (I REPEAT) DO NOT ALLOW YOUR HUSBAND TO TELL CONTRACTORS HE IS A DOCTOR!!! Because, they only hear, CHA-CHING! and raise their prices.

Our first bill from the contractor was supposed to to the "big push". Big Push = >$50,000. That bill alone put us over-buget. I get the second bill 3 weeks later. 68 MOTHER-EFFING THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!

Excuse my french. Seriously, I don't swear in "real" life, but on-line I allow myself to vent, because now, I can't even afford therapy despite the obvious need.

Mind you, this is not an addition. This is mere LANDSCAPING!

My friends, we don't even have the deck or fence in. The driveway has not been done. We were to have some construction done to the house: add an upstairs deck and catwalk, some sliding doors and french doors. That is completely off the table now. We were to put in a pond. That's been scratched. I'm not even going to have money left over to put in new landscaping plants. Our land is now bare. Last night in a fit of fury, I told Doc H, "The yard looks a BRAZILIANED VAGINA!" He stared at me and did his best to keep his composure. He continued to rationalize all the costs to me, but I know better. He knows I'm right. His eyes were laughing. 

My parents almost divorced over a DIY wallpaper job gone (what is referred to today as "pintershitty") wrong. So, I understand the stress it puts on the relationship. All this has wiped my libido clean. Talk about a Debbie-Downer.  I've lost my lady hard-on. I'm sorry, but there's no polite way to state that pathetic fact.

So, last night Doc H went over the contractor's invoice with a fine tooth comb and found double charges to the tune of $11,000.

That man knows how to light my fire. I might put on my pretty panties tonight.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

You Know You're a Surgeon's Wife When... {Vol. 7}

You know you're a doctor's wife when
things get a little heated
and you find yourself like this...


Promising your husband you'll do this...

until your like this...

Because he tried to remedy the situation at hand by saying...





Liked this? 
Catch the previous editions of 
You Know You're a Surgeon's Wife When.. 

or

Click here for Vol. 8 of


Monday, September 23, 2013

Welcome Baskets

I spent the weekend sans Doc H while he was off conferencing. Per our usual, he contacted me as soon  as he checked into his room at the hotel. 

He emailed, " - so much for a nice bottle of wine with fruit and cheese. I wonder what the obesity rates are around here... No blogging!" He was kind enough to attach a photo of his hotel issued welcome basket.

Like a bolt of lightening, I cropped it, adjusted the colors, watermarked it, and put a nice bright welcome banner on it, only to email it back to Doc H...


He quickly replied, "You just can't control yourself, can you! Now, what are you planning to write?"

"Maybe something along the lines of... Doc H arrived at his conference hotel room safely. In the past, we've been nicely greeted with a hotel welcome gift bearing wine, cheese, crackers and fresh fruit. He was a little dismayed at this welcome package of potato chips, soda pop, Goo Goo clusters, and Moon Pies. They weren't even organic. I'm not sure who was responsible for the welcome gift. Regardless, I find it incredibly entertaining that they felt such a welcome was worthy of healthcare professionals."

His reply?

"My talk tomorrow is about kidney failure, the number one cause of which is diabetes. If I were to enjoy my entire welcome gift, I would need to attach myself to the nearest dialysis machine to get me through the talk. There's enough sugar in that little bucket to send me into a diabetic coma. I might have a stroke and a heart attack at the same time, and we still have estate planning issues. I just ordered a Cesar salad."

I died of laughter, "HAHAHAHAHA! Can I quote that?!!! Fantastic!!!"

To which he responded,  "I wouldn't be so harsh on the person who was responsible. I probably know the person! You could say, 'I'm sure the snacks were meant to be enjoyed over several days or shared with others, BUT...' There are probably > 1,500 nurses at this meeting, and some may read your blog. The Moon Pies are a dead give away - {enter City here}. I can imagine someone standing up after my talk asking, 'Are you married to Emily? You know the doctor's wife who writes that funny blog - yourdoctorswife.' I wouldn't know what to say - 'no my wife isn't Emily, but I'll check out her blog?'"

...I'm dying laughing at just the thought of it.

I love my husband,
Emma



Thursday, September 19, 2013

Wearing My Vacation

I'm going to have to ask you to excuse the typos in this post. You see, I taxied Doc H to the airport at 4am this morning. That's ungodly no matter what cyber-sphere you live on.

He's off to a conference to give talks and moderate talks. Talks. Talks. Talks. Talks. Talks.

Once again, I am left home alone to kept our dog and pony show (that would be called family to most) running smoothly.

Since I was to be vacationing during this week, and he was to join me this coming Monday, I have decided I will spend the weekend spending. Yes. Since the hospital screwed me out of my vacation, I've decided to take my two week vacation this weekend. 

So, I'm taking the money I would've spent during my vacation (along with the cost associated with his portion of the vacation--including airfare) and heading to the mall. I already started this personal sporting event yesterday in the shoe department. In all honesty, I don't like to shop. I shop backwards. I buy the shoes first and match the outfit to the shoes. What can I say??? It's all I got working for me, people.

Today, I'm going to suck it all in and do my best to compress it all into some ass-lifting jeans.

Tomorrow, I'm shopping tops after some proper prepping by rolling my tube sock breasts up into a good brassiere.

By Monday, I'll be wearing my entire vacation and his, too.

Monday, September 16, 2013

We Should Be Your VIP

We had an event around our parts yesterday and I was not pleased. I began blogging in a fury. Here's the information you need to know...

Wednesday evening our high school daughter began complaining of a sore throat. Thursday morning she can barely talk. I decide to keep her home from school. After a day of appointments, I return home at 4:30pm to find her worse. "It hurts to breathe," she says. She now has a fever.

I call Doc H who barely has time to talk to me. He is between cases. "She should come in for a rapid strep test," he says.

***************************************************
Dear Hospital,

I. am. pissed.

I don't ask much of you. In fact, I ask nothing of you. Instead, I support you. How, you may ask? I don't nag, I don't complain. I give my husband the space and support to work the insane hours he must work to fulfill your expectations of excellent patient care without receiving any grief for putting us, his family, second behind you.

He works overtime in order to make sure your patients are seen within acceptable hospital imposed patient access time frames. He misses family dinner time in order to reply to patients questions, deliver test results, or return emails in a timely fashion. At his own daughter's graduation ceremony, he sat on the edge of his seat, because he had to take call. He skips family vacations in order to make sure his department, your hospital, is not understaffed. My husband sacrifices his family, his marriage, to put patients first... to put your business first.

Again... I do not nag, I do not whine, nor do I complain to my husband about myself or the kids being second in line behind the hospital.

So, excuse me if I find today's behavior completely unacceptable.

Surely, there must be a reason why physician's and their families are given a platinum insurance card, correct? It clearly identifies us as part of the hospital "family".

So, if I call identifying myself as the wife of a physician who works for the hospital and am with a sick child, why am I put on hold for over 30 minutes, which then pushes me past 5 o'clock? Now clinics are closed, which amounts to no strep test until the following day.

NO patient should be made to wait over thirty minutes to speak to a hospital representative and/or advice nurse.

We, the spouses and children of your physicians, don't beg much of you. However, when we DO need your help (because our own Doc H can't help us because he is THERE at the hospital tending to YOUR patients), we do expect you to pitch in for us, just as we do for you on a DAILY basis.

Yes, if my husband is tending to YOUR patients, I do expect you and your team to step in for him and tend to us like he would if he were free from your chains.

For God's sake, either train your phone reps to send us to the ER, where a resident could tend to our needs, or, as Doc H suggested, open a dedicated Physician Phone Line for us to call in and get the help we need, when we need it.

We stand second behind you. We get it. However, we shouldn't be made to feel second by you. Instead, how about you ensure any interactions with your Doc families say THANK YOU.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Doc H

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

A Passion for... Dentistry?

dentist, dentistry
Today, I'm coming clean.  I've been lagging around here and let me tell you why.

I've been cheating on you with my dentist. And, unfortunately, it has not been pleasurable.

For the past two weeks, I've either been in the chair with my dentist, or thinking of him every second of the waking day.... cursing him out, as I wallowed in the pain he inflicted on me.

I've been needled, injected, drugged, numbed, drilled, impressioned, poked, scraped, bite-blocked, drilled, drilled, drilled, and drilled some more among other unmentionables. I've even been crowned.

...if only with the tiara I truly deserve...

And in the midst of my dentist administering such pain, and he knew he was killing me (my legs involuntarily kicking up out of the chair were a clear signal of my shooting pain), I just couldn't understand how someone could get turned on by the field of dentistry.

There's no reward in dentistry, is there?

People come in for cleaning. If all goes well, they leave with clean teeth, a travel sized tube of toothpaste, a small pack of dental floss, a new toothbrush, and if they are lucky, no bleeding gums.

That's the BEST case scenario.

Otherwise, we're leaving numb after having being tortured, well aware of the pain that is to come once the lidocaine wears off. 

Dental patients are not happy coming or going. So, where's the reward in dentistry? 

Dentists aren't privy to the gratefulness of patients after appointments. At least Orthodontists are able to share in the excitement of their patients when their orthodontia is finally removed and their beautiful teeth are revealed. But, basic dentistry? Nada. Nothing. 

Why does one choose dentistry? How does one develop a passion for dentistry? I am perplexed. Confused. Can't understand it. 

Obviously, I'm missing something. Can anyone out there explain it to me?


Tuesday, September 10, 2013

A Doctor Dad MUST Have Big Balls

doctor dads, big balls


If you follow Your Doctor's Wife on Twitter, you already know last night I died laughing...

Excuse the typos. It was incredibly late at night. Never type with only one eye open and (at my age) no reading glasses.

If you missed it, I urge you to read Josh Levs' article, Study: Smaller testicles, more-involved dads? Take your time. You've got to read the whole thing. It's worth it. I promise.

Oh, my friends! Can you see it? Can you picture it? They PAID academics to measure BALLS. 

What can I say, except the truth. I fell asleep last night with visions of hanging scrota and testes with little tape measures neatly tied around them. They were most likely photographed, too. 

Sir, do you have a head shot?
No, but how about a scrotum shot?

The bed shook from time to time as I tried to contain my laughter within myself.

Eventually, I feel asleep and, when my nightly bout of insomnia awoke me, I found I still had balls on the the brain. And math, too. Combined, this equation came to mind:


EQUALS...

My husband's gotta have balls the size of the fricken' moon, my friends!

I feel the urge to measure... in the name of science, of course.

I'm fairly certain he won't agree (read- trust me) to have anything tied around his scrotum, so I'll measure volume. A simple squat over the scale should do. I'll also break out the yardstick... just in case. 


Friday, September 6, 2013

The Loneliness of Being a Doctor's Wife

loneliness of being a doctor's wife
I discovered something last night. While I couldn't do my husband's job, he couldn't do mine, either. He couldn't deal with the loneliness of being a doctor's wife.

It was his second night away from home; the first time he had traveled to our vacation/retirement home completely alone. No wife, not one of the kids, not even the dog.

He rang me up before bed, gave me a run down on how the landscaping renovations are coming along and then he said, "I wish you were up here. It's really lonely up here all by myself."

And that stayed with me.

That night I laid in bed and stretched myself beyond my usual confines sprawling myself across the entire mattress. His words resonated within me. I am almost always alone.

I am alone while he is:
in clinic,
in the OR,
in meetings,
in conference calls,
rounding,
dictating,
charting,
scheduling,
speaking with patients,
speaking with patients' families,
attends conferences,
attends M&M's,
attends board meetings,
meets with colleagues,
meets with administrators,
mentors residents,
meets with attorneys,
meets with bio tech execs,
meets with engineers,
takes call,
etcetera,
etcetera.

I have attended...
back to school nights,
Christmas pagents,
teacher's conferences,
back to school bbq,
end of school bbq,
school auctions,
graduation festivities,
endless kids' sporting games,
couples business dinners,
family functions,
parties,
double dates,
vacations,  
alone.

Yes, I live a life separate from my husband. His career is demanding of his time and attention leaving me ALONE. It is lonely.

And yet, I find myself working hard to stifle the loneliness. You won't hear me complaining to friends. You won't find me complaining to family. I'll hold my gripes inside, fearing the judgment I know I would be met with... the "Be happy! You married a doctor!" or, even worse, "What are you complaining about! He brings home an awesome paycheck."

Well, I don't know about you, but I didn't marry for a paycheck. I married for love, for his companionship, for a life partner. And when I dwell on that sentiment, it does make me lonely.

Yes. Just like I could never be a doctor, my husband could never be a doctor's wife. I deal with loneliness much better than he.


** But, I am also incredibly lucky to be married to a doctor.**




Monday, September 2, 2013

Medical Monday {September, 2013}

This train is moving full speed ahead folks! 

Summer has officially ended. School has begun for all our kids which means life is becoming routine again. Let's all give life's routines a big standing ovation, shall we? I mean, everyone's nose gets at least a little out of joint without their daily constitutional, right? See? Routine is AWESOME.

So, if you've been following me regularly on this blog, or Twitter, or Facebook, you've noticed I've slowed down my posts over the summer. Since last Medical Monday, I've posted only 8 times...

I'm looking forward to get back in my blogging routine and doubling my posts. 

Please, if you haven't already, please pay particular attention to READ THIS BEFORE IT IS DELETED.  Changes are coming to this blog. Don't miss out!

Okay, on with this month's show!


Are you confused if you qualify for the party?


If you have a pager interrupting your life... you DEFINITELY qualify!
Do you work in healthcare?
Doctor? Nurse? EMT? Chiropractor? Vet? Dentist? Therapist?
MA? NA? PA? DA?
Are you the spouse or SO of a healthcare worker/student?
Are you a nursing student? Medical student?
Intern? Resident? Fellow?

You get the picture, right? Come on, now... don't be shy! Let's keep growing and meeting new bloggers, so we can build a community of support and friendship, learn from one another, and share our stories.

LINK UP YOUR POST!

Here are the rules:
  1. Follow your co-hosts via Bloglovin, GFC (if you are Blogger), FB, email or Twitter.
  2. Link up you medical/med life blog. If your blog name does not clearly state how you fit in to the med/med life world, please write a little intro or link up a specific post which clearly demonstrates your connection.
  3. Visit at least 3 other link ups, comment, introduce yourself, and tell the your stopping by or following from MM!
  4. Help spread the word by using our button on your post or sidebar, tweet about Medical Monday, or spread the word on Facebook! The more the merrier for all of us.
Complete step one by following your co-hosts:
Want to be awesome?
Post our button on you post or sidebar and help spread the word:



Want to co-host next month? Shoot Emma an email at yourdoctorswife@gmail.com and be sure to write "Medical Monday Co-host Request" in the subject field.

Now, link up below and have fun! The link up is open through Friday, so be sure to come back during the week to check some great reads!

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Don't forget! Medical Monday!

Get those posts ready and we'll see you on the grid!

The fun starts tonight at midnight!

Friday, August 30, 2013

All Hail The Chief {Except the Wife}

chief, chief of surgery


Okay, so I'll admit... there are a total of three perks to being married to the Chief.

  • The Chief stipend (and it's most likely not as large as you would think.)
  • The yearly Chiefs conference which is always held at a nice destination.

But the biggest perk is this...

  • Being in charge of the call/vacation schedule.


So, imagine my excitement when I learned Doc H would be attending a conference in the gorgeous Canadian Rockies. I plotted and planned our picturesque trip. I extended our trip 10 days beyond the conference so we could sight see. It would just be the two of us, without the pager, without any presentation looming over him, no conference duties. I was thrilled. This would be Doc H's first REAL vacation in two years.

The two of us alone to rekindle the energy between us... Just the thought of it almost throws me into the type of nirvana a gal can only achieve via the multiple Os. You know what mean?

Our travel dates were marked out in permanent Sharpie on our home calendar, which is just the same as breaking out the chisel and hammer in my book. These dates were set in stone.

Doc H took appropriate action. He posted these dates off on the department calendar and the call schedule. He notified the OR scheduler, the clinic scheduler, and his assistant. He alerted his team.

Every "i" had been dotted. Every "t" had been crossed. Now, we just had to let a few months pass before our trip was upon us.

Our trip is now two weeks away. Now, instead of booking a rental car, or shopping for a new pair of vacation shoes, I find myself shooting off mental Italian salutes into the atmosphere yelling, "Take THAT, you WHITE COATS!"

Doc H's vacation has just gone ker-plunk. As of late,  Doc H's colleagues notified him of their personal vacation plans which fully overlaps our vacation dates. Doc H cannot in good conscience leave his most junior partners (newer attendings) alone without seasoned backup.

So, my husband is staying home to be the Chief, while his colleagues go off and enjoy their vacations.

No wonder they all love their Chief so much.

Me? I'm not loving "the Chief" in him so much right now.



Linking up at Weekend Reads with A Dose of Paige. You should, too!


Sunday, August 25, 2013

Feel Sorry For Interns

sorry for interns, interns
There are some days I just feel sorry for interns. Basically, they are book smart doctors with no real world experience. Yet, they willing put themselves at risk for a clobbering at any given moment.

Case in point...

Sunday morning, while Doc H is in the shower, his cell phone rings and eventually quiets going unanswered. However, that noise is shortly followed by the piercing beep of his pager. He jumps out of the bathroom.

He returns the page using his cell phone (God forbid anyone from the hospital captures our home number) with his usual greeting, "This is Doc H. Someone paged me?"

I can barely make out a young woman's voice muted by the cell phone case. She quickly reports of what she knows of the patient and the situation at hand. She sounded confident, competent.

Then Doc H began his line of questioning to gather information needed for further evaluation. She unraveled, stopping the conversation to go ask others for answers, all while Doc H stood half dressed in our bedroom.

From my end, the calm, but rapid fire conversation went something like this..
What size stent? No, that's the needle size. What's the stent size?
What the patient's INR? We need to know that. Was ultrasound guidance used? You don't know that either? Who's the attending? Okay, we'll have to put this case under review. I'll be by to see the patient.

And I cringed. During the conversation, I was cheering that young lady on, c'mon you can do it! Because if it were me, my voice may have cracked a time or two during the phone conversation. My nerves may have worn me down.

But all I can make out from the other end, is a weak little, "Ok, thank you."

When Doc H hung up, I asked, "Was that a resident?"

"No, an intern! They shouldn't have an intern calling. They shouldn't be put in that position!"

I was so happy to hear him say that.

I sincerely hope that intern is not crying in the ladies room as I type this. Because, I'm pretty sure I would be.

Let's all take a moment and feel sorry for the interns, shall we?



Linked up with A Dose of Paige's Weekend Reads






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