Thursday, January 17, 2013

If You're Marrying a Future Doctor, Add This To Your Vows

Someone pass me the toothpicks. I'm struggling to keep my eyelids in the open position, but I have to punch this out on the keyboard before I fall back asleep and this post is erased from my memory like a haphazard dream. 

If you're marrying a doctor, there is an IMPERATIVE addition to the future doctor's vows to you. I tell you, if you forget, you will find yourself thinking of me every damn time you find yourself in such a pickle.

Last night, I was asleep by 11pm. I was perturbed to find myself awake at 1:30am. Irritated at 3am, and purely frustrated at 4:30am.

I must have finally fallen back asleep by 5am. 

Ahhhhhhh....... 

Then...

 BUZZZZZZ!!!! RATTLE, RATTLE!!!!! BUZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!

"What the HELL is that," I yell.

Slowly and in a very sleepily voice, Doc H mutters "My beeper on vibrate."

"Dammit!!! I just went to sleep! I've been up since 1:30!!"

I peer at the clock. It's almost five effing thirty in the morning. Dammit to hell in a designer handbag.

Doc H stumbles out of bed, grabs his pager, walks to my side of the bed, grabs our landline phone, and heads into the bathroom to return the page in a good hearted attempt to shield me from the noise of the call. 

I grab his pillow and throw it over my head in an effort to find a piece of drowsyland. 

Drowsyland is there. I see it. I feel it. I headed it that direction. A wave of happiness wafts over me. I'm going to fit in another hour of sleep before I have to report for Mom duty. 

Then...

BEEP! BEEP!... BEEP! BEEP!... BEEP! BEEP!... BEEP! BEEP!... BEEP! BEEP!...

His damn iPhone's alarm! Son of a bee-atch!

So...

In the wedding vows, be sure the future doctor includes: 
"...I vow to always carry the pager AND the cell phone as I leave the bedroom to return pages. I promise to turn off all alarms, and any other potentially piercing noise makers every morning as I leave the bed as long a we both shall live. "
This should be a non-negotiable item, my friends. NON-NEGOTIABLE.

23 comments:

  1. Oh, honey. We've got to get you some earplugs! That is NOT cool at all!

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    1. I'm scared to use the earplugs. With my luck, one of the kids will call with an emergency in the middle of the night and it would go unanswered... I'm paranoid. I know. ;)

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  2. HA! I think that should just be in general all together. I hope you got some rest. Maybe you can fit a nap in later on today...I hope. I almost want to say, nights you are on duty, please sleep in the guest room so I can sleep and you can beep and buzz away :)

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    1. Well, It is now Saturday and I can say I did get a great night of sleep! Phew!!!

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  3. Haha. This just reminded me of my post about the Snooze button. Its so true...its never just ONE beep or ONE snooze press or ONE device going off...Its too many too count! xx

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    1. I hate the snooze button. He hits it all the time!

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  4. Hahaha, that is too funny! I feel bad for my husband. He works from home and I am a teacher, so I am up at all hours of the night and wake up super early! I am stopping by from the Share the Love blog hop!
    -Bridgette
    http://bridgettenicole.blogspot.com

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    1. Great to meet you! Welcome to my little piece of the cyber world. Look forward to checking out your blog! :)

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  5. I hear you - my husband isn't a doctor but he flys at all hours of the frickin day and NEVER turns off his "backup" alarms - UGHH!! BTW I've been cleaning up my subscription list - glad to see you are still up and running strong :) Happy New Year!

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    1. Thanks!! It's been a year now and I can't believe it. Time's gone by so quickly!

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  6. Replies
    1. All little too late for you, but perhaps you're still early enough into the marriage that you could make an amendment??? LOL!

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  7. I'm a repeat snooze button offender. Sometimes my most restful sleep happens in 9 minute increments. I think the neighbors might find it irritating and I know it drives the boyfriend wild, and not wild in a good way.

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  8. My house is full of PhDs (the hubs and me) and not MDs. The more I read your blog, the happier I am about that. We have some sucky stuff too but it tends to be a lot more predictable!

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  9. Oh dear. I'll have to remember that!!

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  10. Where were you 7 months ago to write our wedding vows when I was still a naive and stary-eyed bride-to-be of a first-year-resident-to-be?! I swear he got more sleep than I did last night between forgetting to turn that damn pager off, hitting snooze on his alarm every 2 minutes, and every member of his family calling for a medical consultation (the flu epidemic is rampant, I sympathize really I do! But just bc he is a doc doesn't mean he is YOUR doc!). Anyway, thanks for all your great posts - they make married life that much more easy to laugh at :)

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    1. Honey, I was right here! :(
      It's so frustrating! I've blogged about everything you just mentioned. However there are lots of upsides to it also... You just have a few more years to go. It goes quick. ;)
      Let me know if you have a blog!

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  11. Thanks! No blog yet but I am seriously considering it - next super long call night might see me with a bottle of wine and my laptop ;)

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  12. This is why we don't sleep together...well and the newborn and toddler of course :) and the night shift schedule that lasts 7 weeks not 6 like it's supposed to. DrH finally got the memo that if he wants sleep he will have to move his big stinky ass (and his noise makers) to his study on his twin size bed that is NOT a tempurpedic. Pick your poison: baby screaming every few hours or the pager going off. I believe he is getting his "payback" for intern year when we slept like sardines on the king bed in the shitty duplex with the freezing basement below us and the drunk college girls above us and the F***ing pager on the nightstand that woke EVERYONE up. Those chiefs were a**holes for making him take home call. Those were the days before this "no intern home call/in house call" rule started. **** sigh***** it will never end my dear. :(

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  13. hahahahahha! I feel SO sorry for any future boyf/husb... on top of being a med student, I am ALSO deaf (read: extra loud cell phones and pages) and I ALSO like getting up at the crack of dawn to study (read: LOTS and LOTS of alarms, LOTS of snooze buttons pressed)... :P is it any wonder I am still single at this rate?! :P

    I am sorry for your plight, though. My aunty (a doc in the States), when she's on call, sleeps in the guest bedroom. Possible option? But you probably want to savour the moments you to get BE with him... :)

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