Friday, January 25, 2013

Midlife Crisis Ahead...

I'll admit, I think I'm going through a little midlife crisis or perhaps just a major, hormonal whiney moment.

It is painfully obvious the years are ticking away. With LB turning 13, we have no kids. That's a tough milestone. We have one adult child (20), and now three teens (17, 15, and 13). Dang, we're getting old.

Doc H is busier than ever. I am demanding (well, at least asking every day this week for some dates which the hospital could survive without him) a vacation in March. His schedule is just burying me in self-pity right now. Between the OR, clinic, admin duties, the start-up, a study he's working on, work with a association (he's on the board)..... yada yada yada.... it's been too much, all at once, and for too long. There's simply not enough time in the day to talk to each other. I want (need?) some time to reconnect. I need a few days where I don't have to compete with the hospital, colleagues, or medicine for his time or attention.

Moreover, I'm sitting home stressing over our budget while he's surfing Craig's List for furniture and newer version of Bessie, our 16 year old minivan. Next year we will be paying OODLES in tuition:  two college, one private high school, and one private middle school. Tuition will continue increasing the following three years before we hit a decline. It is feasible we will have three college tuitions at the same time. THIS is killing me. It makes my butt pucker and upsets my GI system. I'm pinching pennies. I exchanged a bunch of my Christmas gifts for a coat and was excited I received a $40 credit to my credit card. I think I've turned cheap. I didn't even buy any of the shoes that were on sale.

I'm afraid I may be terribly ill.


  1. I feel your pain!! I had to close my eyes in the department store today while walking by the shoe department. Can we all just win like a trillion dollars, just because?!

  2. OK, so I just wrote about PMTSB - and it sounds like the symptoms don't decline over time like I thought!!! This isn't really good news for me. I hope in the near future I read a post celebrating your vacation. Maybe a stay-cation at a nice hotel?

  3. Get the shoes. Maybe Doc will free up a little time if you go out and spend a bunch of money while he is busy.

  4. Sounds like you do need a vacation! I hope, at least, you aren't cutting back on the wine. It's almost wine o'clock, you know!

  5. Oh dear, I completely feel for you guys across the pond, even though I'm from England and our tuition fees are like, between £3000 - 9000 regardless of what you study! And we get student loans to cover the entire undergrad!! There are a lot of Americans on my course, and I hear from them how horrible tuition fees can be in the States, and having three kids in college at the same time is making my head spin!! I feel damn guilty already asking my parents to pay for grad school (which is only one year!!), I can only imagine how it must be for three kids for four years of undergrad!! Hugs!!

    It's absolutely amazing that your husband is that dedicated to his work - in fact, he is doing exactly the kind of things I would want to be involved in in the future. Practising medicine? Check. Setting up my own small practice (is that what he's doing?)? Anyhow, check. Research? Check. I also want to teach undergrads medicine.

    But looking at this post and how tiring and busy and potentially straining it can be on maintaining family life makes my own head spin! Maybe it will be particularly worse because I am a woman (scary to say that. Are you a woman at 22 or just a girl? Please say girl :P) as well. Scary stuff!!

    Thank you for this post, it must have felt nice for you to vent, but know also that it felt nice for me as your reader to really understand the workings and reality of being a medical family in the States (did I mention I want to do residency in America?). (Just for comparison's sake - even regardless of top level medical work, I REALLY doubt life would be that stressful or time-less over here in the UK!)

    Hope things get better for you. I am an absolute miser (blame my Indian roots! :P) so I cannot in my good conscience comment that you buy the shoes like the other comments on this post (hehe :P), but I really hope things work out for you!! If it makes you feel any better, the other day, I felt like I was going through a quarter-life crisis - no money, no boyfriend, no idea what I'm going to be doing in the future... sigh. It's OK, we're all in this together. :-)

  6. It's those hormones at midlife :) We can't imagine all those college bills. Incredible amount of money it costs for doctors to become one. General public thinks they make a ton of money but if they thought about the years of college, and insurance costs, etc. it would not be really a lot. And of course the long hours they work.

  7. I agree get some shoes and I hope you can get away for a few days....

    Cheers for you!

    Ray Doc Wife


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