Wednesday, February 6, 2013

The Beauty of Divorce: Nights with No Kids

There are plenty of negatives of divorce and I'm pretty sure they are all well documented, here, in this blog, and plenty of other places in the blog-o-sphere.

So today, I'm here to tell you of one of the beauties of divorce...

Nights with no children.

Let your imagine roll with that for a moment.

When the kids are young, you have a court ordered visitation schedule which rips your children from you for days as they go live their life with their other parent. It is heart breaking, frustrating, and horrible.

Yet, as time passes, you acclimate to the time alone. You use that time to take care of personal and professional business, so you can purely focus the on the kids when they are in your home. And, when and if you re-marry, as I have done, you have nights to yourselves when you can foster your relationship.

Admittedly, connecting with your spouse with kids clinging to your legs or teens mulling around the halls late into the night is challenging. The older the kids get, nighttime sexy time gets.... well.... just awkward.

Who wants to experience this...

You're afraid the big kids will hear you in the throws, which would lead them exercising their gag reflexes and then a bout of projectile vomiting. I don't care who you are or how sexy you think you are. Your kids' vomit kills the moment.

So, now, Doc H and I find ourselves with kids in the house pretty much every single night of the year. We're missing our nights to ourselves.

Once upon a time, we would make out or perhaps laugh our way into foreplay.

Nowadays, the phrase, "Lock the door" IS foreplay.

Isn't it?


  1. Who doesn't love that! Doesn't matter what time of night it is, the door gets locked in our house now. When your 5 year old thinks he saw you playing a naked game you can be sure he saw too much.... my husband swears he didn't see anything. I beg to differ.

  2. hahahahaha!! you are brilliant both for blogging with a reference to Modern Family and a very classy way of saying 'I got some bitches woohoo'... :-) :-) (and trust me, i mean that with the utmost of love and respect!! no dissing intended, i think it is brilliant!)

    now I might have to re-think you as Gloria and re-assign you as Claire Dunphy in my head.

    on a semi-related note: MODERN FAMILY IS BRILLIANT. oh, and I have the hugest crush in the world on Phil Dunphy. ;)

  3. I SO relate to this. And it's not just the nights, it's getting a weekend away here and there (or, once, a two week vacation as a couple--not a family! Woo hoo! Traveling with someone who can go to the bathroom by himself!).

    What people forget is that if you've married for a second time and there's kids involved, you don't get all that great cosy couple-only time before the engagement and marriage that other couples have had. This means the kid-free time is really really important for couples to bond and strengthen their relationship, making us a better parenting team.

  4. So funny. Wonder when the kids will catch on that turning Disney Channel on downstairs as we disappear upstairs is the cue?

  5. haha ^^^ my husband does that all the time...puts on a movie/show and gets to work :) this post has cemented my belief that our bedroom when we build our dream house in a few years will be SOUND PROOF. this could be bad when kids sneak out of the house but i'll have security system to cover that. thanks for sharing. you are hilarious!

  6. I'm not sure if lock the door is foreplay, but it sure does save some awkward moments. So says the woman who had an older teen walk in on her - which effectively killed the mood.

  7. I don't have children but you have to make time for each other. We are starting to eat in the dining room at least twice a week during the week and have one date night each week.

  8. last year, with kids old enough to know better, we decided to "take a nap". The girls used a butter knife to unlock out bedroom door. They got what they deserve. I miss the younger, clueless days. Now they know what we are doing....


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