Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Misdiagnosed: The MidLife Crisis

Last Spring, I went blonde.  I thought that was my midlife crisis.

I, now, believe I misdiagnosed myself. That wasn't a midlife crisis, that was merely my butt being so bored it needed a scratch.

Now, I believe I'm headed down the midlife crisis slide. Thoughts which only entered my brain under humorous circumstances, are now being pondered... seriously.

Things that never appealed to me, or I considered harmful, now sound reasonable and worthy of some research. Scary words float around in my brain along with question marks prompting me to hold my chin as I ponder each and every one of them as a call to action.

Botox- Injecting toxins near one's brain never sounded like a smart idea to me. However, now, as I see the train tracks burrowing deeper and more prominently across my forehead, exchanging a few brain synapses for a placid forehead seems a fair trade.

Lift- I participated in a hula lesson with my bunco gals last month. They said wear your coconut bra. They did. Mine wore more like the water bags the natives use to haul water in the Congo.

Suck- If I'm going to research a lift, I might as well go for the suck. My arm flaps... well, they suck. If I do get a price on a lift, I might as well find out how much a suck goes for, right?

Tuck- And if I'm going to be thorough in my research, and I pride myself on being an excellent researcher, I might as well get a quote on a tuck. Really, I just need a new belly button. I have pregnancy stretch marks come together to make a nice little star at my bully button. I could do without that star.

Transplant- This is the most embarrassing. My hair is falling out! I used to have fantastic thick mane. No more. My teen daughter stole it. I want it back. BAD!

At this moment in time, my list ends here. But, as mentioned, the midlife crisis seems to be a slide... a long slide. I'm fairly certain more's to come.

For now, I feel content to research. Pulling the trigger my come as I continue the ride on this midlife slide.



I'm getting back in the saddle. 
Have you visited Yeah Write lately? 
Lots of awesomeness going on there. 
You'll want to join in. 
I promise. 
You will!


37 comments:

  1. Maybe it's just the same mid-life crisis? I am afraid I would be one of those ladies who ends up on a talk show because she started something she can't stop - living in a 1 bedroom apartment because all her money goes to the plastic surgeon. I am not above trying every topical treatment touted as a miracle though! I am a sucker.

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    1. I'm already half way through a tube of Retin-A... ;)

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  2. maybe you're just bored again... ? ;)
    we all think about those things. aging ain't easy.

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    1. Definitely not bored... I have plenty going on, but need a pick me up, for sure!

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  3. Maybe before you do those things...invest in a personal trainer? It'll at least take care of that arm flab and tummy that you're worried about, and it's cheaper. 1-2 months if you just need someone to help you get started (form is important to maximize burn and minimize injury, I see ladies with bad form all the time), more if you like having someone there to motivate you. That adrenaline and sense of accomplishment after a good work out: priceless.

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    1. Already went the personal trainer route. I seriously doubt I'd ever do any of it, but I find it all very intriguing at this moment in time. *sigh*

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  4. At 49, I definitely relate! I think - whatever makes you happy. Of course, I live near NYC where people talk about their plastic surgery like they talk about what they had for breakfast. It shocked me when I first moved here two years ago and people I'd just met would say, "When I had my tummy tuck" or "When I had my boob job."

    My solution is to just keep drinking better wine.

    It's so nice to see you back on the grid, Emma.

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    1. My problem is I don't know what will make me happy with this alien body of mine. :/
      You're right.. I'll just keep up with the wine until it brings about some clarity on the subject!

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  5. I'd probably end up going the plastic surgery route one day. I had a chest reduction/lift when I was 21 and it was the best decision I've made. :)

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    1. I'm going to email you. I have questions!

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  6. Just the thought of the consultation prior is enough to scare me away!

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    1. I actually think that's what's going to happen. Plus, once I get the quote, I'll probably be SPRINTING back home!

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  7. Love it! I was having lunch with a girlfriend I have known since we were 6, we are now in our 40's. I said, "I just can't get over how good you look!" (she had lost about 20lbs) she leaned in and said "it's the botox, just a little, between my eyes, it's amazing isn't it?!" It was. It really was.

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    1. Really!? Hmmm... makes me think that may be the way to go...

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  8. I gotta say I'm nervous of some of that stuff but there's nothing like ridding yourself of the "train tracks"! I'm all for the minimum of THAT. Less is fantastically more.

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    1. Yes!!! One of the few times in life that less is more! :)

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  9. I have been doing a metric crap-ton of research into midlife crisis (to explain my hubby's insanity) and the research says that it can last from 2-7 years on average. That's a long time to consider cosmetic procedures.

    My procedure of choice? Tummy tuck. The twins broke my belly...

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    1. AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
      2-7 years??? Feeling frumpy for that long?? I don't know if I can handle that!
      Oh, my word! Well, I hope your husband turns the corner real soon!
      Twins? I can only imagine how broken your belly is! I just had one in there!

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  10. I've been obsessed with getting botox between my eyebrows for at least a year now and never thought of it as part of a mid-life crisis. Thanks for putting that together for me! I've been too afraid to get it for fear of the slide you described so well ... who knows where Botox will lead?! Perhaps to a two-for-one on the other procedures on your list?

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    1. I don't know where it will lead, but I just want to know all my options!! :)

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  11. Just had my second baby and barely into my 30's. I'm already contemplating the whole body works when I go "off to Aspen" for a few weeks. No joke. I don't care what people say. I'm getting my body "done". Midlife crisis or not...you need to feel good about yourself. Of course, with every surgery/procedure there are risks. Soooo... weigh those options. And the older you get the more risky it gets. Do it as soon as possible! :) And don't be embarrassed for a second. Any mother who does her job well looks like a massive trainwreck by the time she is 50. Worrying about your kids, skipping meals to attend to your kids, not sleeping because of your kids (and DrH...) you deserve it!

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    1. Thanks for the pat on the back! I don't feel I need a total over-haul, but I'd like some help in my problem areas! :)

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  12. I'm going to end up so fat and baggy and wrinkled, because I am terrified of surgery!

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    1. While I'm not scared of surgery, I don't completely embrace it with open arms. It's definitely not anything to be taken lightly.

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  13. Uh-oh. . . I'm getting to a certain age in a few months that ends in a zero. . . I wonder if these symptoms are contagious. . . :)

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  14. I can relate! I always said I'd never do anything like that and then you know, I read something about and think maybe it's not all THAT bad a thing to do... !

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    1. I really can't believe I'm at this point! :)

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  15. So bored you butt needed a scratch - hahaha! Great line! My midlife crisis didn't involve cosmetic procedures; just going bonkers. But I feel it now. Every morning when I pull back my jewels and imagine a taught self. Sigh.

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    1. My kids will probably say I'm already bonkers. :)

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  16. My friend and I both joke about heading to Costa Rica for a plastic surgery vacation. Except I don't think we are joking. There are just things that have happened to my body (I blame my kids) that no matter what I do to work out, etc, they AREN'T GOING BACK. The older I get, the more these crazy things sound, well, not so crazy. Sigh.

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    1. I'm with you, except for the Costa Rica part. I'm afraid I'd find myself on a table in a hut with dirt floors, roaming chickens, and end up with caulk bought from HomeDepot injected in my face! No, no... if I do it, I'll stay right here. I'm all for going to Costa Rica for recovery, though!!! :)

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  17. Let's not talk about un-placid foreheads, mmkay? Is it naive of me to say (pre-marriage, pre-kids) that your body is a testament to your experiences? That your star belly button is beautiful, because look what you have to show for it? Or is that just me being "the grass is greener"? I'm not sure, just offering a different take than the majority. But at the end of the day, I also say to do what makes you happy!!! That's what matters. :)

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    1. Up until a month ago, I completely backed your philosophy. I'm not quite sure what flip the switch within.. :(

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  18. Ha ha! I love how honest you are about hmm, yeah, maybe... ;)

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  19. Ha ha…you’re funny! So what have you decided then? Got anything done yet?? ;) I think you should join a gym or get a personal trainer first. That will fix most of your problems. But by the time the gym is done with you, you will be feeling much better about yourself and your body and so won’t have to go through all the procedures! Just a thought, but if you’re in for it…what’s stopping you getting hotter??!! ;) Go for it!! Mid-life crisis or not you’re one brave woman!! :D And, please let us know what you decided…I’m dying to read all about it!!!

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