Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Things I Learned About Myself When Our College Daughter Moved Back Home

Lordy... Help us. D1 has moved home. Under our roof and, now, I'm exhausted.

While nothing diminishes the love you have for your children, having a twenty year old move back home after a two year absence is, nonetheless, a shock to the system.

I have been so busy, I haven't had time to open my laptop.

Did you hear that?

Me minus my laptop. That's right up there with me minus chocolate. It never happens. Until now.

D1 has come home a different person. Not all bad, but not all good either.

I've learned a few things about myself since she drove her overstuffed, bug-smattered car into our driveway after her three day (read: three days and nights of no sleep for me) road trip home:

one) I have a nose for cigarette smoke
two) I don't like people coming and going out of the house until 3 am.
three) Sleeping in until 1pm annoys me
four) I have a low tolerance for ill-planning and spur of the moment living
five) I really appreciate common courtesy

I realize most of these hurdles are due to her living on her own for two years. Given some time, I'm sure we'll all acclimate to each other again.

I'll give it another hour. I really need some sleep.


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Speaking of time...

This Monday is the first Monday of the Month! 
That's right...
Medical Monday
Join us!

20 comments:

  1. I read this while eating chocolate, and it was glorious (the chocolate and the post). I'm sorry you spent so long away from the laptop. I just hope it wasn't time also spent away from chocolate. That would be a travesty.

    I remember coming home from college and dealing with the same issues with my mom. Of course, I was perfect and it was always my mom who was unreasonable with the rules. :-)

    Try to adjust and enjoy the time. And make lots of vodka drinks. Lots and lots of them. I think my mom got through it with wine.

    ReplyDelete
  2. oh my god! I have two daughters. I was not perfect but my parents would never tolerate that. They had to tolerate the "late nights out or just spending the night out" BUT when it interfered with my summer jobs (which is their excuse for keeping me "responsible") my Dad hit the roof. I had my car taken away at age 20 like I was a tween. Maybe a little sit down of the "rules under my roof" are in order. Remember... don't let them think being "home" is a free ride or else THEY WILL NEVER LEAVE and then you'll need tranquilizers to get through it. I don't believe these things "fix themselves". They need a'fixin' by some stern talks, holding grown kids accountable and keeping them miserable enough that they look forward to returning to college or getting a damn j-o-b. I can't wait to hear about your summer. Just last night I was with an ER attending. He said: "I love my daughter and she is a good person, but we had a good rough FIVE years with her. We got through it but I nearly strangled her." Bless your heart. I'm having a drink on your behalf!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! Please have two! We're on tough year #4, so the ER attending's comment gives me hope... one more year! :)

      Delete
  3. Oh God.

    I would live out of the house during the school year and in the house during the summer. Mom and Dad did not care how old I was, including this past summer when I was ready to move cross country and was 23 and more or less had my head together. I was not allowed out past a certain time, I had to be home a certain time, or let them know what I was doing. Drinking did not happen, nor did dating, ever.

    Why I went along with it? I didn't want to be jailed in the house. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it's just about having some common courtesy for the other people who you're living with, right? ;)

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  4. I definitely agree with all the previous posters. However, I might give you and your daughter a few days to re-acclimate. Think about it as "jet lag unwinding". Then you can say, Ok, these are the rules. If you live here, you must do ____ to keep Mom sane. Otherwise, she will make your life a living hell. Right??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Things will get better. I'm sure she'll settle down. She may be grumpy when she settles down, though. Doc H is laying down the law.

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  5. Cause the last thing you need is for her to go running into the arms of a Beau Hunk.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, we don't have to worry about the Beau Hunk with this one. D1 is our eldest daughter. D2 is the second daughter and she was the one involved with the Beau Hunk.
      Anyways, the BH is long gone. D2 is still ignoring attempts to contact her. She wants nothing to do with him. Yay! Let's hope that continues to be the case! {crossing fingers}

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    2. Yay for D2!!!!

      I was thinking about D1 meeting a different guy, a guy belonging to the same species as BH. Let's hope that never happens!!

      Delete
  6. I am sure its an adjustment! Hope you guys have some great QT together. Looking forward to medical monday next week. Can't believe its June ALREADY.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm reading this post while drinking mocha coffee. I feel like I should invite you over for some because life without chocolate is unimaginable. My God, pop a Hershey's miniature in your mouth before you go into withdrawal!
    My kids are too young, so I haven't experienced this yet. When I was that age, my father set very strict ground rules. If you don't go to college, then you must get a job and pay "rent". If you go to college, then in the summer you must get a job and help pay for the upcoming school year. There was no curfew, but he demanded to know if you were not coming home that night and where you were. If you live in the house, then you must contribute to keeping it clean both inside and out.
    What we didn't know at the time was that he saved all the money that we gave him, so when we went out on our own, we had a chunk of change to help us start out.
    Looking back, his rules helped us learn to live on our own.
    I agree with the previous poster, ground rules need to be made to help both of you. You need your sanity, chocolate, and laptop!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Enjoy your kids while they are young! We are implementing many of these rules you mention. There's no free ride here! Ha! :)
      Oh! and I did eat more than my fair share of daily chocolate intake yesterday! Today's a new day...

      Delete
  8. Is this just for the summer? Maybe she is going through a little detox until she gets back into a routine.... or perhaps it is true, you can never go home after you have fled the nest. Buy more chocolate:-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nope... permanent until she gets a job and she can move out. She will be going back to school, but she needs only a couple of more classes until she can transfer. So much of her move out date depends on how quickly she can get into the classes she needs, and (of course) they are all impacted! :(
      I need to find a stash of chocolate that's on sale!

      Delete
  9. I'm sure you'll find a new rhythm soon! It must be quite an adjustment for everyone! I'm stopping by today via the sharefest.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh lordy! I feel you! Our new college grad has landed at home for a few months and it's not without a whole new set of challenges. She was most displeased when I let her know it was still our house/our rules, especially since there are four others at home. We can not have anarchy with five grown (in the eyes of the law and themselves) kids. In my next life all my kids are going out of state for college!

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  11. Oh joy! Something to look forward to! My oldest will be a junior in HS this year so he will be off to college before I know it (and before I am ready!) Since I have no experience with this yet, all I can say is talk to her about your expectations and realize that there is going to be some give and take. They go off to college and they are used to all sorts of freedom...but at the same time they need to be respectful and not drive us crazy! It's got to be an adjustment!

    ReplyDelete

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