Thursday, August 1, 2013

I Couldn't Make This Up {Mama's Getting Married}

I would like to file this all under fiction. But, people, I assure you I'm not clever enough to make this shit up. I really would like to be able to wrap my brain around this...

Bio-mom is getting married. Good for her... I hope she's happy. In all honesty, I really couldn't care less, but I will admit, it brings me a bit of relief. My sincere hope is that it is a good marriage which will free the kids from worring about their mother being "alone" or without any financial support.

Recently, we learned bio-mom and her fiance are planning a destination wedding. Sounds lovely. I'm sure it will be nice and the kids will enjoy traveling with their mother. New memories will be made and, hopefully, they will be good memories which can erase the terror of mad jellyfish stings and arguing adults from the last trip they took with their mother and her ex-fiance. Yes, this should be a good trip for the kids.

Then Doc H and I learn each of the kids (now, remember, the girls are piss-pot, poor college students and LB is finishing up middle school) are expected to make a financial "donation" towards the wedding. 


The "donation" basically equates to their own airfare. And, I'm not talking $99 round trip airfare. I'm talking over land and ocean airfare.

If you want your kids to attend your wedding, yet can't afford to foot the bill, why not have a less expensive, local wedding at one of the many picturesque locales we are blessed with nearby? 

While the girls do have weekend jobs to have a little slush fund, what is LB to do? Fork over all his birthday and Christmas money? None of these cover the expected "donation" amount. Then what?

We'll be asked to cover the "donation" for them.

Yes, I'm waiting. Sometime in 2014, I fully expect the kids to ask Doc H to help them cover their "donation" for his ex-wife's wedding. Mark my words, people. Mark my words.

Like I said.... I can't make this shit up.

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  1. I'm just sitting here shaking my head. I can't even begin to understand how a mother could do that to her children. That has to be one of the most selfish things a person can do. "I'm getting married children, but you can't come unless you can afford it yourself." I hope this works out for all of them, but this can't be a good way to start your new life together. Yikes!

  2. Of course you and Doc H will be asked to foot the "donation". This is how I view it: it's a last ditch passive-aggressive dig at both of you. If you don't foot the bill, then you will both be deemed the "bad guys" by not letting the children attend their mother's wedding. After all, Doc H is a doctor and therefore very rich. ;-)
    They had no intention of the kids paying their own way. The sole purpose was to back you into a corner one last time.
    I may be way off here, but that's an outsider's view.

    1. I agree with your analysis. That is all.

  3. That is really really sad. A huge advantage of a destination wedding is to put less financial burden on the marrying couple, so it's clear they are doing this to put a burden on their children (i.e. you guys).

    This woman sounds like a nightmare. I hope she's not raking in alimony throughout this period from Doctor Husband.

  4. Ugh. This made me sad reading it. I agree with you 100%, why have a destination wedding if you aren't planning on flying your kids out? This isn't her first time being a blushing bride - she's getting remarried and is a full fledged adult.

    I know it's complicated, but I would honestly refuse. You guys constantly pick up up the slack on her end and at some point it needs to stop, for your sanity and theirs. Unreal.

  5. You are right, you can't make that up. Who in their right mind would ask their own children to fork up the money to attend their wedding! I am sure they figured you'd cough it up for them freeing the bio mom's resources to use on herself. I don't like her.

  6. Wow! I'm almost laughing. You're right, you can't make that up! How sad and ridiculous.
    I'm with Britt, I'd refuse to do it. They are bringing drama to a situation that doesn't need it and making things uncomfortable, I think it's completely inappropriate to ask the kids (aka you) to do that!

  7. This isn't difficult. The answer will no. It's bio-beast's, I mean bio-mom's responsibility.

  8. Wow! That's madness! I thought I had an ex to deal with - but you win hands down. I agree with the consensus, refuse to pay.

  9. Totally amazing....not sure where some people have the "guts" to pull this crap off, but seems they do....sadly, the kids are the ones that are really in the middle...and she knows that...Doing her best to make you and Doc look bad in their eyes. Hopefully something will happen and all this will be just a bad dream...

  10. I wish I could be like omg that's crazy! But my son's bio-mom makes this look completely normal. We pay for EVERYTHING and she had the nerve to send son to my house for the 4th time wihtout shoes on and say, "well I couldn't find his shoes" And that right there is just a middle dose of her insanity.

  11. So basically she intentionally put Doc H in the position of coughing up the money or looking like the bad guy in keeping the kids from attending her wedding.
    Mmm. I wont print the words running around my brain right now....

  12. What. the. Heck?!

    Those are really the only words that come to mind. I'm baffled.

  13. Wow. I have no idea what to say.

    However, it sounds like the wedding is not just around the corner. So maybe Dr. H needs to confront his "ex" and tell her that she needs to come up with a plan to pay for her own kids to come to her wedding (if she wants them there). You know, maybe she can get them a card for Christmas and birthday & also get a side job to cover the expenses (especially for LB).

    I have no idea what the protocol is for a bio-mom getting remarried, but I remember being a bridesmaid for a friend's wedding and spending WAY more money than this girl had. At some point, I drew the line and told my friend, You want me in your wedding? You're paying for alterations on the dress & for my accommodations. Also, I can't/won't get you a fancy wedding gift. I'll give you something special but it's $$ worth will be small. Grad student budget doesn't cover much else!!

    Just some thoughts. You have my sympathies.


  14. I mean, really. How selfish can a person be? She's just hurting the kids. And if this was a decent guy in her life, he would insist on including them fully, financially and all. Sorry you have to deal with this. I will be curious as to the outcome. I'm sure this type of behavior is in our future with vehicles, college, weddings, etc. for our girls.

  15. Seriously???????

  16. Clearly they are bat shit crazy to think that the kids should "donate" to their expenses.

  17. oh wow. That must hurt. I am so sorry that you have to go through something like this. But 2014 is still a ways off, things might change before that.

    Thanks for linking up to weekend reads.

  18. I often say that if I wrote a book about all of the things my husband's ex-wife has pulled on us that people would never believe it. The child support my husband has paid for his son has paid for his ex-wife's wedding, her new husband's college education, the adoption of two children and the down payment on a new house. At the same time her son wasn't having his basic needs met. It's sad to see parents put their children in these difficult positions.

    I agree that this was just one more passive agressive way for her to get back at her ex. She is putting the burden on him to say no or pay up to keep the kids happy.

  19. That's ridiculous. I wasn't even at my dad's second wedding. We (my brother, sister, and I) were supposed to be in it, but my stepmom decided she wanted something small and quick so they got married at the courthouse. No big deal, if that's what they wanted. However, I wasn't told until about a week afterward. That was about ten years ago and I'm still not over it.

  20. I had to re-read your post because I just couldn't believe what I was reading!!!

    I have never heard of such a request before. Does she know anything about wedding planning etiquette?


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