It was his second night away from home; the first time he had traveled to our vacation/retirement home completely alone. No wife, not one of the kids, not even the dog.
He rang me up before bed, gave me a run down on how the landscaping renovations are coming along and then he said, "I wish you were up here. It's really lonely up here all by myself."
And that stayed with me.
That night I laid in bed and stretched myself beyond my usual confines sprawling myself across the entire mattress. His words resonated within me. I am almost always alone.
I am alone while he is:
in the OR,
in conference calls,
speaking with patients,
speaking with patients' families,
attends board meetings,
meets with colleagues,
meets with administrators,
meets with attorneys,
meets with bio tech execs,
meets with engineers,
I have attended...
back to school nights,
back to school bbq,
end of school bbq,
endless kids' sporting games,
couples business dinners,
Yes, I live a life separate from my husband. His career is demanding of his time and attention leaving me ALONE. It is lonely.
And yet, I find myself working hard to stifle the loneliness. You won't hear me complaining to friends. You won't find me complaining to family. I'll hold my gripes inside, fearing the judgment I know I would be met with... the "Be happy! You married a doctor!" or, even worse, "What are you complaining about! He brings home an awesome paycheck."
Well, I don't know about you, but I didn't marry for a paycheck. I married for love, for his companionship, for a life partner. And when I dwell on that sentiment, it does make me lonely.
Yes. Just like I could never be a doctor, my husband could never be a doctor's wife. I deal with loneliness much better than he.
** But, I am also incredibly lucky to be married to a doctor.**